Above: strap-on wrestling match from Ultimate Surrender. Filmed in San Francisco.

Sheesh, it’s been so long since I posted last. Lots of stuff going on, and I’ve been way too busy feverously masturbating to the boxes of porn that my boys over at Hush Money have been sending over to type out a post.

I’m up in San Frandisco this week for the Cybernet Expo. This show is quiet, but I needed an excuse to go on a three-day drinking binge during the week, so I hopped on the plane and bought a badge.

Lots of new developments since I posted last. I bought out two large affiliate programs, made a bunch of content deals, and had a threeway with a married couple last weekend. Your boy Fat Dick is taking his game to the next level this year.

I don’t have much to do during Cybernet, so if there is anyone in the San Francisco area who would like to meet up and talk business, please hit me up via AIM or e-mail. I’m on the Crackberry non-stop, and if I can’t schedule enough meetings then I’m just going to drink all day, and I really need to pace myself.

After I return home from SF, I’m going to lock myself in the office for the next three weeks to roll out about ten new groundbreaking sites before I head off to XBiz Vegas and then Internext in Florida. I couldn’t be more excited for the XBiz Forum this year as it was probably my favorite show last year.

I can’t wait to show everyone all the stuff I’ve been working on. Stay tuned and make sure to say what’s up in SF.

Above: Jana from ButtBunnies

So I’m back and completely (I think) recovered from the week of debauchery that was the Adult Entertainment Expo and Internext in beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada. I saw a lot of crazy shit, but truth be told, Internext was not the three-day substance fest that I expected it to be. I could have gone even harder, but for a few reasons, I had no desire to. Your boy Fat Dick dipped into his share of party favors, but also enjoyed doing a lot of business and even being somewhat coherent and put-together at times.

I had an incredible experience at Internext. AEE was relatively uneventful for me, but AVN really did an amazing job planning and executing Internext. I expected to have a great time, but what I experienced exceeded all of my expectations for the show. I found a great balance between the partying side of the show and the business side of the show, and ended up having a very productive visit to Vegas. Talk about a surprise.

In my opinion, having Internext at the Palms was a great idea. My favorite part about the show was the fantasy suite ‘block party’ that was going on in the evenings. All of the best fantasy suites were booked by companies who know what they’re doing when it comes to throwing a party, and being able to explore all of the suites that I will never book myself ($40,000 per night for Hef’s Sky Villa?) was a really fun experience. What made things even better was the vibe among other show-goers. Meeting and chatting with people was extremely easy in the very social atmosphere that was going on all over the hotel.

There were times when I did a little too much drinking for my own good. Namely, on Thursday night, I went out on the town with some friends. We had a delicious dinner and then rolled out to Tao and Jet. I was totally wrecked by 8am, and I ended up passing out in the bed of a friend. When I woke up in the morning, I noticed that I had wet the bed (once again). Unlike last time when I blamed the urine puddle on a mishap involving a Corona, this time, I simply claimed that the chick had wet the bed and that I was really grossed out. She bought it and apologized rapidly, but as I write this I am realizing that she will soon know the truth. Oh well.

I was pretty wasted on the plane (first class) from Los Angeles to Las Vegas, and I continued drinking heavily on my first night in Vegas. I ended up getting so wasted that I woke up at about 7am on the floor of the a hotel room bathroom. The shower was running, and there were four lines neatly placed in front of my head on the marble tile bathroom floor. I was so disoriented that I had to go downstairs to the casino in order to figure out what hotel I was in. I was not in my own hotel, but managed to navigate back to my own room by 9am.

Being in Vegas for a week really put a strain on my body. I was out until at least sunrise every night of the week, would take a nap, then wake up after a couple hours so I could begin drinking again. This schedule can be fun for a day or two, but after seven days, it starts to wear even the most seasoned partier out.

Anyway, I am very happy to be back in LA, and I am ready to get going on many of the projects that I was able to talk about in Vegas. The next big show is XBiz Hollywood in February, then I am off to Phoenix in March. Phoenix has become one of the premier shows each year, and I am very excited about attending for the first time this year.

Some people complain that no business gets done at shows anymore. I have never seen problems in this area, and I would imagine that the people who are complaining do not put much planning or preparation into the shows that they attend. In order to get any benefit from attending a show, it is a good idea to come up with a clear list of realistic goals. Ask yourself what you want to accomplish and how you plan on accomplishing it, introduce yourself to new people, and follow up on any contacts that you make during the show. It’s hard to make shows worthwhile when you hang out with the same group the entire time and make no attempt to meet new people.

That is all. See everyone in Hollywood for XBiz!

Yeah, he’s missing a leg. Don’t believe me? Check out this gallery.

Your boy Fat Dick is going to be in Vegas for an incredible 8 days starting this Thursday. I have never been there more than 3 days, and I think there is a definite possibility I am going to die. Being in Vegas for more than a weekend is tough enough, but when you add in the fact that I will be attending tons of insane parties lots of really informative seminars during two trade shows, things don’t look good. This trip is going to take a couple years off my life at best.

All kinds of crazy shit happens in Vegas around this time of the year. This is only my second Internext, but fuck. I have heard some pretty crazy stories, and what I saw last year when I was only there for a day tells me that this show is no joke. I’ve heard stories of emergency room visits, hookers, and wrecked hotel rooms. I’ll most likely experience all three.

I will be heading to the AEE show on Thursday, and I’ve been asking myself why I am missing the trade-only day on Wednesday since I hate being around porn fans with boners, but I guess I don’t really give a fuck. I’ll probably never see the show floor anyway. Actually, I really don’t even know why I am going to AEE at all. I booked a flight and hotel room a while ago when it sounded like a good idea. I have like two meetings scheduled, both of which I could have just done during Internext.

I consider AEE a warmup for Internext, where the real business is going to be getting done. Internext starts on Sunday, and my plan is to get all of my deals done by Monday morning. After that, I am going to be way to wasted to hold a conversation. Even planning on doing business into Sunday night is pushing it. No joke. I scheduled meetings all day on Sunday, and not one but two dinners on Sunday night. That’s how your boy Fat Dick rolls.

Internext sounds really dope this year. All of the fantasy suites in the Palms are booked by companies who know how to throw amazing parties. I’ll be hitting up the Hugh Hefner Sky Villa on Sunday night, and I will also be doing some serious partying at in the Real World Suite among others.

I’ve got a long 8 days ahead of me, so wish me luck.

I’m a big fan of strippers.  Especially around the holidays.  Last Friday night, I was out with a couple homies and we noticed an advertising truck for a strip club a couple miles away.  Admission was supposed to be free after mentioning the ad, so naturally we smoked a blunt and made our way to the strip club after last call.

The doorman claimed that the truck did not apply to the location we were at, but we weren’t having his jibberish.  Your boy Fat Dick thinks false advertising is no joke, and I quickly pointed out the fact that the location we were at was clearly advertised on the truck, which, lucky for us, was parked directly outside of the club for easy reference.  After paying for two six dollar Cokes, we were in.

I don’t like lap dances.  Too much pressure.  I always feel goofy, and I don’t like getting stripper perfume on dry clean only shirts.  But that’s just me.

I like to camp out near the stage where I can see everything, but I like to sit far enough away so I am not obligated to tip.  But that’s just me.

I seem to come up with some pretty good ideas after smoking, and while watching a hot three girl act on stage, I came up with a gem that I think I will put into action soon.  Feel free to steal it if you want.  Here we go: If one were to replace all of the lighting fixtures in his house with strip club lighting, one could bring home broke ass honeys and never know the difference.  I think this is a pretty solid idea.  The fact of the matter is that nine out of ten strippers do not look good in a well-lit room.  They depend on strip club lighting to sell lap dances.  Why am I going out to bars and working hard trying to do eights and nines when I could be going out and hitting on fives and sixes that look like nines and tens under strip club lighting?

Sure, strip club lighting will make it infinitely harder for me to read, but I don’t own many books, so that shouldn’t be a huge deal.  I might head out to Home Depot to see if they carry strip club lighting fixtures.

Oh, the hottie above is Sandra from Interracial.com.  I’ve plugged Interracial.com in the past, and you may recall that you can purchase a trial membership for the site for only a buck.  I suggest that you head over and check her out if you are a fan of interracial porn.

I guess it is fitting that while celebrating three years in the game this month, I encountered record sales.  From what I have heard, everyone is doing really well this month.  I am having a huge sales week this week (probably due to extra spending and leisure time around Christmas), and I couldn’t be happier.  I think I am going to spend a bit of my earnings on a nice big plasma I have been eyeing for a while.  I deserve it.

As I write this, my email box is blowing up with sales emails, many of which are for programs that I haven’t spent anytime promoting for quite a while.  The great thing about peddling porn online is that, once you make a gallery or a free site, sales can come in twenty-four hours each day for many years to come.  I love when I notice a sale that came from a gallery I made a year ago.  Set it and forget it.

For everyone who is running scared and claming that piracy and saturation have made it impossible to make money in adult online, I call bullshit.  There is still massive amounts of money to be made if one works hard and thinks outside of the box.  Even newbies who work hard can still do online adult full time and have plenty of money to throw around if they do it right.

Sure, I have had some shitty months and surprises like Google’s Florida update about a year and a half ago when my traffic got cut in half, but I like to look at the big picture and my aggregate stats, which tell me that I have made more money and had more traffic each year.

Even shitty traffic sources like thumbnail gallery posts can produce money if you work hard and think big.  The people complaining that great porn traffic sources have dried up and been replaced with tube sites and torrents are focusing on the problem rather than the solution.  The solution is just outside of the box, and a little brainstorming will lead you right to it.

Thanks to the many creepy old men who enjoy the porn I push, and happy holidays.

I won’t bore you with why I have been too busy to blog for quite a while now.  You will hear about it soon enough…

I’m going to try to get back into the game here.  Enjoy.

It’s always funny to see who gets fired after a big porn show. One of the luxuries of not having a boss is that you can get as wasted as you want, make a fool of yourself, hit on people you shouldn’t be hitting on, talk shit on major adult industry players, and you can still be sure that you are not going to get a pink slip on Monday.

I love seeing who gets fired as a result of his party antics after every show, but truth be told, I prevented a a sales rep from a MAJOR adult industry company from getting the axe over something he did to me on Sunday night. I also have a humorously disturbing story to go along with this claim, but I’ll save it for my next post when I do my obligatory Internext wrap up.

I’ll leave you with an autoresponse that I just got while trying to send a certain affiliate manager an Internext follow up email. I met this guy for the first time on Thursday night, really hit it off with him, and saw him throughout the show. Too bad he is no longer with his company because I was really looking forward to doing some business with him. I must disclose that I am not completely sure he was fired, but it does look quite curious when someone is repping a company pretty hard at a show and then is mysteriously no longer part of the company once the show is over. Maybe too much partying? Here’s the email, edited for everyone’s privacy:

Dear affiliate,

This email is to inform you that ***** is sadly not working
with **************** anymore. This address will thus be
disbanded shortly. In the meanwhile, please forward your
request to ********. Your request will be dispatched either
to ******** or to ********, our new account managers.

So sad.

I’m on a private jet right now at LAX. Why? Because your boy Fat Dick doesn’t fly with the common folk. Also because your boy Fat Dick had a couple friends at a major porn company who owed him a favor. Suffice to say that we have packed a private jet with plenty of tequila and are bound for Ft. Lauderdale International Airport. Unfortunately one member in our crowd is still MIA, so we are playing a drinking game called ‘take a tequila shot for every fifteen minutes that go by.’ I’m probably going to puke in a few minutes.

Anyway, it is time once again for an awesome paid vacation business networking opportunity. Yes, my friend. I am talking about Internext. I have an itinerary for the show that is three pages long, and I also have an incredible appetite for alcohol and drugs. We’ll see how things turn out.

I will try to send at least one update, complete with pics, from Florida, but no guarantees. Operating my Blackberry once the madness begins will be quite a chore.

So I had an absoutely amazing time at the XBiz Summer Forum. I was actually planning on filling you in on my experiences as they happened, but I was pretty much wasted for three days straight and unable to produce any type of coherent written thought.

The action really started in the first class section of my flight to Las Vegas, when my savage crew of party animal travelling companions and I were able to literally drink all of the vodka on the plane. If you think I am fucking with coach on the forty-five minute flight to Vegas, you are wrong. In case you are keeping track of time, I arrived in Las Vegas, completely wasted, shortly after noon. Of course, the mandatory Jager shots were consumed in our stretch limo on the way to the Hard Rock Hotel, and once my room was ready (shortly after 2pm), I inaugurated the bathroom by puking for a solid twenty minutes, and then turning my sink into an alcoholic’s wet dream, as shown below:

OK, so the sink is stocked with ice and roughly eighteen Coronas. The hotel is slowly filling up with a who’s who of the adult industry. I’m loaded up with free porn and sponsor schwag that I received at the registration desk. I have a lengthy itinerary of seminars that I will definitely not attend and meetings I will be way too wasted to remember. What do I do next? Throw a beat to the free porn (of course), then iron some clothes and pass out for about half an hour while waiting for my Las Vegas drug dealer to come by with party favors to fuel the rest of my stay.

After getting loaded up with a few eight balls and fifteen hits of e, I went to a dinner at the Bellagio, where I got drunk on expensive wine and snacked on some delicious Ahi Tuna. Being a big deal is a tough job, but someone has to do it.

Tuesday night was relatively low-key. I ended up pretty wasted, but returned to my room around 6am, which is a pretty respectable hour for Las Vegas.

After waking up Wednesday around 11am, I grabbed a Corona and headed towards the cabanas to meet new friends, catch up with old ones, and get really drunk. I was drinking pretty heavily by noon, drunk by two, high by three, drunk again by five, passed out by six, drunk again by eight, high by nine, and then rolling on e by eleven. During this madness, I completely forgot to eat anything. Wednesday night, as you can probably guess, was pretty hazy for me. I was high as hell at a suite party, and then thought it would be a really good idea to smoke some hash in someone’s room. Unfortunately, this turned me into Rip Van Winkle, and I woke up hugging a bidet in the Hard Rock Hotel celebrity suite with a friend asking me if I was overdosing on heroin. Good times.

I was sure that I was getting my second wind around 7am, and tried to compensate for the heavy eyelids given to me by the hash by doing about half an eight ball of cocaine, but I had no luck. I ended up passing out repeatedly in between attempts to move back to my room. I think on Wednesday night, I successfully passed out in the celebrity suite bathroom, on the couch of the celebrity suite, in the hallway of the celebrity suite, on the bed of the celebrity suite, in the second bathroom of the celebrity suite, in the doorway of the celebrity suite, and just outside the door of the celebrity suite, before reaching my room to sleep at around noon. I don’t think I’ve ever had so much trouble moving.

I got a couple hours of shut eye on Thursday afternoon, but I had to rally and start drinking heavily because I had an underwear walkoff to win down by the pool. First place prize was $2,000, and I was completely sure that I would win until I realized that I was going up against a midget. As soon as I saw this fucker, I was just shooting for second place. Obviously, I beat all of the chicks and one $100 for second place.

Thursday night, I got really wasted and then went to a suite party, where I actually ended up doing a ton of business and meeting lots of great people. I thought I was going to end the night at a reasonable hour, but instead ended up heading out to my favorite Las Vegas spot, the Peppermill, around 6am with my friend, and finally passing out on my hotel room floor around 9am. I woke up at 11am feeling excellent.

My favorite part about Las Vegas is the difference between arriving and leaving the city. On Wednesday everyone was super psyched about being in Vegas. I even heard some highly tacky ‘Vegas Baby!’ yells. On Friday, everyone looked like shit, and all I heard were comments along the lines of ‘Fuck Vegas, I need to get out of this place’ and ‘Why would anyone ever come here voluntarily?’

Anyway, I had an awesome experience at XBiz. The show was organized very well, I did a ton of business, had a lot of fun (probably too much), and I was completely worn out on Friday. I am recovered now, and ready to start making some money with new friends and business partners.

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not the biggest fan of lesbian porn. For some reason I find it really difficult to masturbate to something that doesn’t involve a petite hottie getting slammed by over twelve inches of man meat. And don’t even give me the whole ‘what about lesbian strap on action’ argument because it is not going to work.

The bottom line is that its a big deal when I cum across some solid lesbo porn that I can sit through without having my penis retract. Allow me to share some lesbian porn that I don’t mind…

The following free lesbian porn videos come to you courtesy of my friends over at Lesbian Training, a lesbian porn website that does not suck. You may recall when I dropped some knowledge on you and let you know how you can score interracial porn for only a buck a while back. It’s the same deal on Lesbian Training. You can join for just a buck, so you really have no excuse to check out their members area right now.

Once you navigate over to Lesbian Training, you’ll be overloaded with super hot high-quality lesbian porn videos and pictures, all containing horrible acting which is more than made up for by the fact that all of the chicks on this site are hot as hell. It’s kind of like watching a Lindsay Lohan movie, only on Lesbian Training, you don’t have to imagine anyone naked.

I also like Lesbian Training because the action is pretty hardcore. Lots of anal play and novelty gigantic dildos. Squirting action? Lesbian Training has that too.

Enjoy these free videos, and if you want more, make sure to check out Lesbian Training for more free pictures and videos. I would recommend that you join the site for a buck. Why? Because you cannot afford not to.