Above: Jana from ButtBunnies

So I’m back and completely (I think) recovered from the week of debauchery that was the Adult Entertainment Expo and Internext in beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada. I saw a lot of crazy shit, but truth be told, Internext was not the three-day substance fest that I expected it to be. I could have gone even harder, but for a few reasons, I had no desire to. Your boy Fat Dick dipped into his share of party favors, but also enjoyed doing a lot of business and even being somewhat coherent and put-together at times.

I had an incredible experience at Internext. AEE was relatively uneventful for me, but AVN really did an amazing job planning and executing Internext. I expected to have a great time, but what I experienced exceeded all of my expectations for the show. I found a great balance between the partying side of the show and the business side of the show, and ended up having a very productive visit to Vegas. Talk about a surprise.

In my opinion, having Internext at the Palms was a great idea. My favorite part about the show was the fantasy suite ‘block party’ that was going on in the evenings. All of the best fantasy suites were booked by companies who know what they’re doing when it comes to throwing a party, and being able to explore all of the suites that I will never book myself ($40,000 per night for Hef’s Sky Villa?) was a really fun experience. What made things even better was the vibe among other show-goers. Meeting and chatting with people was extremely easy in the very social atmosphere that was going on all over the hotel.

There were times when I did a little too much drinking for my own good. Namely, on Thursday night, I went out on the town with some friends. We had a delicious dinner and then rolled out to Tao and Jet. I was totally wrecked by 8am, and I ended up passing out in the bed of a friend. When I woke up in the morning, I noticed that I had wet the bed (once again). Unlike last time when I blamed the urine puddle on a mishap involving a Corona, this time, I simply claimed that the chick had wet the bed and that I was really grossed out. She bought it and apologized rapidly, but as I write this I am realizing that she will soon know the truth. Oh well.

I was pretty wasted on the plane (first class) from Los Angeles to Las Vegas, and I continued drinking heavily on my first night in Vegas. I ended up getting so wasted that I woke up at about 7am on the floor of the a hotel room bathroom. The shower was running, and there were four lines neatly placed in front of my head on the marble tile bathroom floor. I was so disoriented that I had to go downstairs to the casino in order to figure out what hotel I was in. I was not in my own hotel, but managed to navigate back to my own room by 9am.

Being in Vegas for a week really put a strain on my body. I was out until at least sunrise every night of the week, would take a nap, then wake up after a couple hours so I could begin drinking again. This schedule can be fun for a day or two, but after seven days, it starts to wear even the most seasoned partier out.

Anyway, I am very happy to be back in LA, and I am ready to get going on many of the projects that I was able to talk about in Vegas. The next big show is XBiz Hollywood in February, then I am off to Phoenix in March. Phoenix has become one of the premier shows each year, and I am very excited about attending for the first time this year.

Some people complain that no business gets done at shows anymore. I have never seen problems in this area, and I would imagine that the people who are complaining do not put much planning or preparation into the shows that they attend. In order to get any benefit from attending a show, it is a good idea to come up with a clear list of realistic goals. Ask yourself what you want to accomplish and how you plan on accomplishing it, introduce yourself to new people, and follow up on any contacts that you make during the show. It’s hard to make shows worthwhile when you hang out with the same group the entire time and make no attempt to meet new people.

That is all. See everyone in Hollywood for XBiz!

Yeah, he’s missing a leg. Don’t believe me? Check out this gallery.

Your boy Fat Dick is going to be in Vegas for an incredible 8 days starting this Thursday. I have never been there more than 3 days, and I think there is a definite possibility I am going to die. Being in Vegas for more than a weekend is tough enough, but when you add in the fact that I will be attending tons of insane parties lots of really informative seminars during two trade shows, things don’t look good. This trip is going to take a couple years off my life at best.

All kinds of crazy shit happens in Vegas around this time of the year. This is only my second Internext, but fuck. I have heard some pretty crazy stories, and what I saw last year when I was only there for a day tells me that this show is no joke. I’ve heard stories of emergency room visits, hookers, and wrecked hotel rooms. I’ll most likely experience all three.

I will be heading to the AEE show on Thursday, and I’ve been asking myself why I am missing the trade-only day on Wednesday since I hate being around porn fans with boners, but I guess I don’t really give a fuck. I’ll probably never see the show floor anyway. Actually, I really don’t even know why I am going to AEE at all. I booked a flight and hotel room a while ago when it sounded like a good idea. I have like two meetings scheduled, both of which I could have just done during Internext.

I consider AEE a warmup for Internext, where the real business is going to be getting done. Internext starts on Sunday, and my plan is to get all of my deals done by Monday morning. After that, I am going to be way to wasted to hold a conversation. Even planning on doing business into Sunday night is pushing it. No joke. I scheduled meetings all day on Sunday, and not one but two dinners on Sunday night. That’s how your boy Fat Dick rolls.

Internext sounds really dope this year. All of the fantasy suites in the Palms are booked by companies who know how to throw amazing parties. I’ll be hitting up the Hugh Hefner Sky Villa on Sunday night, and I will also be doing some serious partying at in the Real World Suite among others.

I’ve got a long 8 days ahead of me, so wish me luck.

It’s January 5th, which means that I have finally recovered from my New Year’s Eve extravaganza.  Here is the blow by blow account (pun intended):

8PM: Dinner

I hadn’t done a nice dinner on New Year’s Eve before, and I guess it is the thing to do, so I met up with friends and business associates at a very classy upscale restaurant in Hollywood for an eight course dinner.  About ten minutes after being seated, the first of many group bathroom trips occurred, and when I got back, someone came up with the excellent idea to mix ecstasy into our drinks and the party began.  Tablets were distributed, and I crushed up two, which I stirred into my water.  After a few martinis, and more bathroom trips, I realized that I was getting pretty fucked up.  I mixed another tab into my water around course five.

11:15PM: Party Time

After dinner, I hopped into a limo with about half of the group and we made our way up into the Hollywood hills for a hot house party.  We showed up about half an hour before midnight, and the place was totally packed.  After a brief scuffle with security at the door, we were pulled in by the host, who looked really stressed.

The e was really starting to kick in at this point, and the DJ was playing my jams, so naturally I was breaking it down on the dancefloor.

I was doing shots off the ice luge like it was my job.  Bitches were loving it, but I had to take a quick detour to puke after a pretty nasty Patron shot.  I had a quick Trainspotting flashback after I puked when I realized that at least one ecstasy tab probably came up with my dinner.  I’m pretty sure that I located it in the toilet, and I was actually considering fishing it out, but then I realized that my friend had brought a ziplock storage bag filled with pills to the party.  I quickly located her, and we returned to the bathroom, where we crushed up a few more hits, mixed it with devil’s dandruff, and did some rockstar rails off the sink.

Leaving the bathroom, the vast array of substances I had consumed thusfar really started to hit me.  The countdown was starting in a few minutes, so I made my way back outside, where everyone was overlooking the Los Angeles lights and getting ready.  After the countdown, I sipped on some Cristal, hit a few bumps, and made my way back to the dancefloor.

2:20AM: Public Sex Begins

By 2AM, I had been going hard for about six hours, and there was no end in sight.  Some of the other partygoers did not have the same stamina.  Many had resorted to drunken makeouts in various areas of the house, and some had even resorted to sloppy, drunken sex.  Things were pretty hazy at this point, but I am pretty sure that I saw some douchebag guy giving his date oral favors in on a couch downstairs, and I am also pretty sure that I stumbled onto doggystyle sex in the master bedroom around 2:45AM.  I started thinking that it might be time to leave and hit the next party.

4:30AM: Next Location

After some more ice luge shots, we made our way to an afterparty going on a few miles away.  It was hosted by a porn producer, and the ratio was insane.  There were pornstars all over the place, and when I walked in at around 4:30AM, I noticed that no one else seemed to care that the sun was about to come up.  Everyone was doing lines off the kitchen island and pounding vodka like it was midnight.  Definitely an intense crowd.

One of the rooms at the house contained a stripper pole, and I saw more tits, ass, and lesbian action in that room than I saw all last week.  And I look at porn all day.  I was surrounded by a collection of the nastiest chicks in porn, and none of them seemed to mind getting naked as long as the blow kept getting poured out.

9:00AM: Maybe it is Time to Leave

After the sun came up, I started to feel a little worn out, and I was thinking about heading home.  Fortunately, I got some more e handed to me, which I knew would keep me going for a few more hours.  The party was still going strong, and it was one of the most bizarre situations I have ever found myself in.  Granted, I have been know to do all-nighters, but I always feel horrible once the sun shows up.  At this party, no one seemed to care at all, and the party was actually getting more packed as it got lighter.

11:00AM: Jacuzzi Action

The chicks at this party were totally fucked up, and I suddenly found myself in a jazuzzi with about fifteen other people.  Most were unclothed.  I was starting to get hungry and realized that it was almost lunch time.

1:30PM: New Year’s Day Brunch

How my body was able to continue after noon (marking more than sixteen hours of partying) is beyond me.  For some reason, everything seemed normal.  We decided to get brunch at a nice hotel in Hollywood.  Brunch was delicious, but I concentrated mostly on the mimosas.  One can never have too much champagne on New Year’s Eve.

3:45PM: Am I Really at a Bar

After brunch, someone came up with the bright idea to finish our supply of blow and then hit up a bar.  I puked after a shot, returned to our table, and finally hit a wall.  I was totally cracked out and about ready to go home.

5:15PM: Return Home

I’m sure that the cab driver knew what was up as he drove me home.  I was in a complete daze, cracked out, and barely able to communicate how to reach my house.  The cab ride seemed to take forever.  I tipped my Persian cab driver fatty and got inside, smoked a joint (to offset the stimulants), and passed out around 5:30PM.

What a night.  I haven’t gone that hard since the shows over the Summer, and I have the deadly AEE/Internext combination in Vegas coming up next week.  More on that in a bit.

Happy New Year!