Obligatory XBiz Recap
July 15th, 2007So I had an absoutely amazing time at the XBiz Summer Forum. I was actually planning on filling you in on my experiences as they happened, but I was pretty much wasted for three days straight and unable to produce any type of coherent written thought.
The action really started in the first class section of my flight to Las Vegas, when my savage crew of party animal travelling companions and I were able to literally drink all of the vodka on the plane. If you think I am fucking with coach on the forty-five minute flight to Vegas, you are wrong. In case you are keeping track of time, I arrived in Las Vegas, completely wasted, shortly after noon. Of course, the mandatory Jager shots were consumed in our stretch limo on the way to the Hard Rock Hotel, and once my room was ready (shortly after 2pm), I inaugurated the bathroom by puking for a solid twenty minutes, and then turning my sink into an alcoholic’s wet dream, as shown below:
OK, so the sink is stocked with ice and roughly eighteen Coronas. The hotel is slowly filling up with a who’s who of the adult industry. I’m loaded up with free porn and sponsor schwag that I received at the registration desk. I have a lengthy itinerary of seminars that I will definitely not attend and meetings I will be way too wasted to remember. What do I do next? Throw a beat to the free porn (of course), then iron some clothes and pass out for about half an hour while waiting for my Las Vegas drug dealer to come by with party favors to fuel the rest of my stay.
After getting loaded up with a few eight balls and fifteen hits of e, I went to a dinner at the Bellagio, where I got drunk on expensive wine and snacked on some delicious Ahi Tuna. Being a big deal is a tough job, but someone has to do it.
Tuesday night was relatively low-key. I ended up pretty wasted, but returned to my room around 6am, which is a pretty respectable hour for Las Vegas.
After waking up Wednesday around 11am, I grabbed a Corona and headed towards the cabanas to meet new friends, catch up with old ones, and get really drunk. I was drinking pretty heavily by noon, drunk by two, high by three, drunk again by five, passed out by six, drunk again by eight, high by nine, and then rolling on e by eleven. During this madness, I completely forgot to eat anything. Wednesday night, as you can probably guess, was pretty hazy for me. I was high as hell at a suite party, and then thought it would be a really good idea to smoke some hash in someone’s room. Unfortunately, this turned me into Rip Van Winkle, and I woke up hugging a bidet in the Hard Rock Hotel celebrity suite with a friend asking me if I was overdosing on heroin. Good times.
I was sure that I was getting my second wind around 7am, and tried to compensate for the heavy eyelids given to me by the hash by doing about half an eight ball of cocaine, but I had no luck. I ended up passing out repeatedly in between attempts to move back to my room. I think on Wednesday night, I successfully passed out in the celebrity suite bathroom, on the couch of the celebrity suite, in the hallway of the celebrity suite, on the bed of the celebrity suite, in the second bathroom of the celebrity suite, in the doorway of the celebrity suite, and just outside the door of the celebrity suite, before reaching my room to sleep at around noon. I don’t think I’ve ever had so much trouble moving.
I got a couple hours of shut eye on Thursday afternoon, but I had to rally and start drinking heavily because I had an underwear walkoff to win down by the pool. First place prize was $2,000, and I was completely sure that I would win until I realized that I was going up against a midget. As soon as I saw this fucker, I was just shooting for second place. Obviously, I beat all of the chicks and one $100 for second place.
Thursday night, I got really wasted and then went to a suite party, where I actually ended up doing a ton of business and meeting lots of great people. I thought I was going to end the night at a reasonable hour, but instead ended up heading out to my favorite Las Vegas spot, the Peppermill, around 6am with my friend, and finally passing out on my hotel room floor around 9am. I woke up at 11am feeling excellent.
My favorite part about Las Vegas is the difference between arriving and leaving the city. On Wednesday everyone was super psyched about being in Vegas. I even heard some highly tacky ‘Vegas Baby!’ yells. On Friday, everyone looked like shit, and all I heard were comments along the lines of ‘Fuck Vegas, I need to get out of this place’ and ‘Why would anyone ever come here voluntarily?’
Anyway, I had an awesome experience at XBiz. The show was organized very well, I did a ton of business, had a lot of fun (probably too much), and I was completely worn out on Friday. I am recovered now, and ready to start making some money with new friends and business partners.