Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not the biggest fan of lesbian porn. For some reason I find it really difficult to masturbate to something that doesn’t involve a petite hottie getting slammed by over twelve inches of man meat. And don’t even give me the whole ‘what about lesbian strap on action’ argument because it is not going to work.

The bottom line is that its a big deal when I cum across some solid lesbo porn that I can sit through without having my penis retract. Allow me to share some lesbian porn that I don’t mind…

The following free lesbian porn videos come to you courtesy of my friends over at Lesbian Training, a lesbian porn website that does not suck. You may recall when I dropped some knowledge on you and let you know how you can score interracial porn for only a buck a while back. It’s the same deal on Lesbian Training. You can join for just a buck, so you really have no excuse to check out their members area right now.

Once you navigate over to Lesbian Training, you’ll be overloaded with super hot high-quality lesbian porn videos and pictures, all containing horrible acting which is more than made up for by the fact that all of the chicks on this site are hot as hell. It’s kind of like watching a Lindsay Lohan movie, only on Lesbian Training, you don’t have to imagine anyone naked.

I also like Lesbian Training because the action is pretty hardcore. Lots of anal play and novelty gigantic dildos. Squirting action? Lesbian Training has that too.

Enjoy these free videos, and if you want more, make sure to check out Lesbian Training for more free pictures and videos. I would recommend that you join the site for a buck. Why? Because you cannot afford not to.

Ahh, it’s Memorial Day weekend again, and countless people have made the trek to Vegas to take part in the festivities. Me? I decided to keep the debauchery confined to the greater Los Angeles area for the weekend in order to avoid a lengthy detox/recovery period following the three day weekend.

Last year, I wrote a pretty detailed post which outlined the many ways in which any given Vegas trip sucks balls. This year, I’m way too busy eating weed brownies and drinking a lot to put together anything close to a coherent thought on my blog, so I’ll just point you towards my favorite reality Vegas sex site, Whore Wagon, which should have everything you need to experience Vegas fun from the comfort and safety of your own home.

Check out the video above for some awesome Whore Wagon madness in the middle of the Vegas strip.

While masturbating to surfing around Whore Wagon earlier this afternoon, I got a call from one of my friends who was in Vegas enjoying douchebag heaven A.K.A. the Rehab party at the Hard Rock Hotel. She claimed that a random guy (Persian and most likely wearing a trucker hat with a bandana under it) just gave her four hits of E along with an eightball of blow and invited her to his suite at the Mandalay Bay. Vegas never disappoints.

Enjoy the holiday weekend. I am really busy finishing some Coronas so I can head out to down some sake at a sushi restauraunt and then try to get laid.

Really?  T BAGGR?  One of my friends took this over the weekend and I thought it was way too funny to keep from the world.  What kind of a guy gets this vanity license plate?  How do you drive around and openly tell the the world that you are in the tea bagging scene?

This license plate is on a Subaru, so there is a good chance that this is the work of a homosexual.  I don’t see a rainbow sticker, though, which really throws me off.

Is it a frat guy who got the vanity license plate as a gift a few years back?  Is it a douchebag who loved tea bagging drunk guys in college so much that he decided to take the joke way too far by getting a vanity license plate?

How do you drive up to a job interview advertising that, not only do you tea bag guys on the weekend, but you tea bag so many people that you feel the need to get a vanity license plate to let the world know about your sick (yet funny) hobby?  I may never know.

I’m not sure how I managed to blog last week. I was really busy locking myself in my room and masturbating to some new Casey Parker porn galleries while drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks and crying about my childhood. I haven’t posted any hot porn here for a while, so I figured I would give you, the Fat Dick Simon valued reader, some masturbation material to keep you busy for a while. What am I about to hit you with? Casey Parker, of course.

I’ve posted some links to Casey Parker free porn galleries in the past, but I am happy to be able to point you in the direction of some excellent hardcore galleries in this post. All of these galleries just surfaced, so I have some fresh pictures and videos for you to throw a beat to. Of course, if you like what you see, you should definitely consider joining her site so you can view all of the high-quality videos and high-resolution pictures along with taking advantage of regular updates and live shows. I’m actually a member myself, and I have to say that I definitely enjoy the content. You won’t find a better mix of hot solo photoshoots and hardcore fucking on any other site. Click here to check out Casey Parker’s site.

I’ll save you the extra commentary on how hot these galleries are and let them speak for themselves.

Casey Parker and Sascha fucking around [pics]

Casey gets worked on a hotel bed by a big cock [pics]

3-Way Lesbian sex on a slip-and-slide [movies]

Naked super soaker fight outside [pics]

Casey and her girlfriend have hot sex on a pooltable [pics]

Casey rides a thick dick like a pro [pics]

Casey fucks and sucks on her bed [movies]

Backyard pussy eating and 69′ing [movies]

Super hot strap-on dildo action [movies]

See more free samples at Casey Parker’s official site

So there you have it.  Don’t masturbate too much.  You’re welcome.

What’s the deal with this guy? I’ve touched on my feelings about bathroom attendants before, but a few recent experiences have me itching to elaborate on exactly how uncomfortable bathroom attendants make me feel. I challenge you to find me another occupation that relies more on the pity/race card in receiving tips than that of the bathroom attendant. I can soap up, wash, and dry my own hands. I’ve been doing it for years. Regardless of this fact, the bathroom attendant routinely forces his services on me and then makes me feel bad about his socioeconomic position in order to receive my porn money tips.

Each time I encounter one of these fuckers, my drug-riddled brain is becomes plagued by questions I wish I were comfortable enough to ask. Is there a competition for bathroom attendants? Is there a series of physical challenges that take place when a bar opens to determine which homeless-looking guy gets to control the bathroom sink? How often do these physical challenges take place? Is the bathroom attendant sanctioned by any members of management? Does the bathroom attendant have to pay a cover to get into hot Hollywood clubs, or is he always on the guestlist? Or does the doorman just waive him in and tell security ‘He’s cool?’ Are all bathroom attendants actually homeless or do they dress down to look the part? What gives the bathroom attendant the authority to shine his flashlight under the handicap stall when my crew is busy doing lines off the toilet seat cover dispenser?

I have no idea.

Is being a bathroom attendant even lucrative enough to justify hanging out with drunk people all night in a bathroom? Some of these fuckers don’t even earn their tips. I caught one guy having a conversation in Spanish via a Bluetooth headset a few weeks back. He didn’t even get the soap for me, then he handed me a pre-torn paper towel and looked at me with the notorious ‘Where’s my dollar’ expression that only a bathroom attendant can give. Really? A dollar for handing me a paper towel while you spit game at your chica during your free nights and weekends minutes? I think not, papi. I think not.

The bathroom attendant has the ability to test even the cleanest man’s higyene. Every man, after he is done using the facilities, asks himself whether he should wash his hands and risk losing a buck, depending on how good the bathroom attendant is at making him feel bad, or just say fuck it and dry the urine off of his hands with the outfit of whatever slut he is trying to do. I’ve seen guys puke, then take a dump on their hands, then get a terrible bloody nose, yet still decide to avoid the sink to save a dollar. This makes me wonder: should the department of public health be concerned about the bathroom attendant?

I’m big on the ‘Ah, sorry, I don’t have any cash’ excuse. Awkward? Yes. Untrue? Most of the time. But I try to treat all homeless people the same, and that is the response that I gave to cardboard box dreadlock guy on the way into the club. If the bathroom attendant is dressing like a homeless guy, as far as I’m concerned he is homeless. Just like how when women dress like sluts, they are asking to be raped. Same thing.

Granted, when I’m drunk, I tend to empathize with the plight of the bathroom attendant more, which translates into tipping, but the only way to guarantee a tip from me is actually taking my penis out, holding it while I pee, shaking it off, washing my hands (just in case), then ordering me a drink. Basically, I want to be able to act like that dead dude from Weekend At Bernie’s while in the bathroom, and any attendant who allows me to do so is in for a little something special. In the form of a dollar.