I was just doing some math and realized that I have celebrated somewhere between forty-five and sixty of my friends’ birthdays in the last few weeks. So, by my calculation s, May (9 months apart from February) must be the most popular humping month. Is anyone else experiencing the same phenomenon?
What’s the deal with the massive amount of conceptions during May?
Earlier in the week, Casey Parker, Shane’s World’s newest contract girl finally launched her personal website. Currently, the site is experiencing excellent success, and the reason that I have not posted lately is because I have been way too busy masturbating to all of her videos. With her regular updates, it may be difficult to continue posting regularly.
I first met Casey Parker at a bar in Hollywood, when I ran into her by chance. Our first encounter did not go so well as she did not believe that I was involved with the adult industry as I claimed to be. After grilling me on exactly what I did for a living, it was clear that Casey and her friend thought that I was completely full of shit, so I decided to hit on fat chicks instead. All was forgiven when I once again ran into Casey Parker at Webmaster Access and the record was set straight.
It’s hard to stay mad at a hottie like Casey Parker. I’m sure that her site is going to be a huge success. She’s super hot and she has a great personality as well. Oh yeah, and she absoutely loves fucking on film. Anyone who has checked out her first DVD knows exactly what I’m talking about.
How sure am I that Casey Parker is going to do well? So sure that I am not even going to sugar coat these free Casey Parker porn links with a lame ass story. I’m just going to give them to you… straight up.
Being that Casey Parker’s porn website just launched a few days ago, I am not privy to much promo material, but I managed to track down these free Casey Parker porn galleries for you. Check them out, masturbate, enjoy, and go ahead and join Casey Parker’s website. Money well spent.
Here she is going hiking. There is nothing hotter than a chick in hiking boots, hiking socks (traditionally worn regularly by lesbians), and a shaved vagina.
Here she is getting naked… in a shopping cart. I caught a homeless guy masturbating to this gallery in the public library yesterday.
What can she do with a corquette club? You probably already know.
Casey Parker’s car is dirty. And nothing gets a car clean like two topless blonde hotties getting soapy on a hot day.
Cooking can be fun. I bet that Emeril can’t do what Casey parker does in this gallery.
Lesbian action in a horse stable. The lawyer says this one is still cool to post, though.
Bubble bath fun. I wish it was this hot when I masturbate in the bathtub.
I’m a big fan of wire transfers. I like setting my affiliate payments to be wired to me so I can get a little surprise when I haven’t checked my account balance and haven’t been watching my traffic. I also like setting my bills to be automatically paid and setting my renewable accounts to autorenew so I don’t forget about them when I am in the middle of a substance binge.
I noticed an $8k dent in my bank account on Saturday morning, and I realized that a bunch of my domains must have come up for renewal since the payee’s name was GoDaddy. A lot of people talk shit about GoDaddy for one reason or another, but they are an excellent registrar in my opinion, and I have never had a problem with them. My only suggestion to their user interface people is to build a fucking shopping cart where I can easily throw a bunch of domains so I don’t have to keep hitting the back button to do a bulk order while I browse.
My love for GoDaddy began about a year and a half ago when I transferred Hot Gallery Post over to an account with them. I spent about $15 on that purchase, which made me a little fish in the GoDaddy pond, but I still received a call from a customer service representative asking me if I had any questions about my domain name purchase. I’m a big fan of being treated well and given a personal touch by companies I do business with.
I’m actually going somewhere with this story…
So I realized some of my domains came up for renewal, and I thought ‘Shit I just spent a lot of money at GoDaddy.’ Sure enough, on Sunday morning I received a call from a customer service representative at GoDaddy thanking me for my purchase. I decided, since my GoDaddy account is pretty large at this point, that I was entitled to have some fun with the representative. He was a great sport, and here is how the call went:
GoDaddy: Hi, can I please speak with Simon?
Me: This is he.
GoDaddy: Hi, Simon, this is Steve with GoDaddy. I wanted to quickly give you a call and thank you for your recent purchase and ask if you have any questions about your purchase or are interested in any of our other products.
Me: Oh, yes, I noticed some of my domains renewed. Everything looks great.
GoDaddy: Ok, well if you ever-
Me: Hey, actually, could you read back to me the names that were renewed? I just want to make sure I set the right ones to autorenew. I hope you don’t mind.
GoDaddy: No problem at all. Looking at your account, I see ExtremeFuckSluts.com, ExtremeFuckSlut.com, FatDickSimon.com, InterracialCumWhore.com, InterracialCumWhores.com (plural), InterracialJumpoff.com, XXXLaunchpad.com, XXXWhackShack.com, XXXWackShack.com (spelled w-a-c-k)-
Me: Oh, I think I know what batch that is then. No need to finish the whole list. But, if you don’t mind, could you make sure that VaginaCircus.com is on the list?
GoDaddy: Yes, I am seeing that name as well.
Me: Great, that’s a really important one for me. Probably one of my better domain ideas.
GoDaddy: Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?
Me: What about FirmYourWorm.com. Was that one renewed as well?
GoDaddy: Yes, I am seeing that domain here also.
Me: Good. I haven’t built that one out yet, but I probably will in a couple weeks. Did TitManPorn.com come up for renew?
GoDaddy: I am not seeing it here. Ah, yes. I am seeing that domain in your account, but it’s renewal date is later in the year.
Me: Phew! You had me scared for a second. What about AssManPorn.com? Would you mind checking on that one also?
GoDaddy: That domain will renew on the same day as the domain you just asked about.
Me: Which one I asked about?
GoDaddy: The last one you asked about.
Me: Which one? Sorry, they all kind of blend together.
GoDaddy: Um, that would be TitManPorn.com.
Me: Ah, great. You’ve been really helpful. Thanks.
GoDaddy: You’re welcome, sir. Thank you again for your purchase.
And that, my friends, is why I absoutely love GoDaddy. I challenge you to find a registrar with the same customer service level. Find me another registrar who will read back all of my sexually-explicit domain names to me on a Sunday morning. Music to my ears.
I have so many domains that I actually forget about most and end up doing nothing with them. Remembering that I actually pay for them made me look through my account. I noticed that I have some pretty sweet ones. Note to self: start doing some work.
As I write this, I am recovering from the two day drinking and business binge that was the XBiz Hollywood Conference. There was a great business vibe in the air for the whole show, the seminars were interesting, and the parties were, um, ok. But there was tons of free booze, which made up for any shortcomings of the parties themselves.
The night before the show, there was a party in the Roosevelt Hotel lobby. By the way, the Roosevelt Hotel is super nice. I went to the party planning to only stay for an hour or two and not get drunk, but someone I met challenged me to a shot contest, and I ended up getting completely smashed, somehow catching a cab home, and passing out after talking jibberish for slightly less than an hour.
When I woke up the next day, I felt energized and ready to attend a talk on the .xxx issue. The fact that I felt great further proves that there is, in fact, a difference between brands of liquor. I pounded about fifteen shots of Belvedere the night before, and I doubt that I would have felt the same if I had pounded fifteen shots of Popov. The .xxx talk was pretty heated because Stuart Lawley (the person who began the .xxx movement) from ICM was on the panel. I was hoping that chairs would be thrown at him by angry industry professionals, but unfortunately that did not happen. Rather than describe the panel, I’ll just point you to my boy Q’s detailed write-up of the event.
Following the .xxx panel, I immediately started getting trashed at the Tropicana Bar where the average drink is $14. The dent in my wallet was only temporary, as an open bar started at 4:30PM, and there was an open bar at 2PM in the XBiz suite. I staggered over to Hooters for a few minutes, but had to leave to make it back to the XBiz suite for their party.
XBiz had the Marilyn Monroe Suite in the Roosevelt Hotel. They also had some hot go-go dancers, two bars, and so many people that they ended up having some problems with the fire marshall. The suite was absoutely amazing. It was three stories, the third being a huge rooftop area.
I left the XBiz suite to head over to the AdultSpace party at a hot Hollywood club. I want to personally thank AdultSpace for delivering on absoutely nothing that they promised for the party (notice how they don’t get a link). My group and I had to buy bottles and deal with a bunch of Hollywood bullshit to get into the club even though we were supposed to be on the magical AdultSpace VIP list, and once we got inside, we realized that there were about five people from the adult industry in the club. There was, however, a constant line of Persian guys in Diesel jeans waiting for the bathroom so they could do lines of coke off their friends cocks. After spending the better portion of my life savings on our bottles, I staggered out of the club.
After the club, I went to a strip club for a few minutes. The strip club was fully nude, so there was no booze, which made me a little uncomfortable. I bought a few lapdances, had a stripper offer to blow me, and did a bunch of nose candy. Not too much to talk about there.
This is where my night really starts getting hazy. I blacked out for about half an hour, and when I regained consciousness, I was on the bed of someone’s hotel room. I quickly realized that I was in the room of a well-known male pornstar I had met earlier in the night. There was some type of exchange between us, and the next thing I knew I was watching him fuck some chick he had brought back with him. Mind you this is a king size bed and I was roughly two feet away from all of the action, but I was so gone at this point of the night that watched while going in and out of consciousness.
I don’t know how I did it, but I made it back to my place finally and passed out. When I woke up this morning, I felt great.
I slept until about 2PM, so I had to hurry to the Roosevelt Hotel to catch Larry Flint giving the final keynote address. This was the main reason that I registered for the show, and it did not disappoint at all. Larry Flint is an amazing guy, and he talked about the First Amendment, the future of porn, Paris Hilton (whom he called a ‘two-bit slut’), and various other political issues.
I was really inspired by his determination to fight for his First Amendment rights. Larry Flint doesn’t give a fuck. I could go on and on about all of the amazing things that he said, but I’ll sum it up by quoting his response to the question “Are you proud to be a pornographer?” Without skipping a beat (this was definitely his fastest answer to any question posed), he said loudly, “I’m proud to be a pornographer.” Larry motherfucking Flint.
I had a couple drinks at the Tropicana Bar and in the XBiz suite after the keynote address, but I skipped the XBiz Awards tonight to do some work at home. The show was ultimately very productive, and it definitely ended on a high note with Larry Flint’s address.
Now it’s time to start making some money with the new contacts I made during the show.