I’m still recovering from my weekend trip to Las Vegas. Why the long recovery time? That’s a good question. I am more than capable of handling copious amounts of alcohol and drugs for multiple nights in a row, so I thought that I was ready for whatever Vegas could throw at me. Unfortunately, I was not ready for O’Shea’s Casino, or as I like to call it, Las Vegas’ best-kept secret.

I won’t bore you with the details of my Vegas trip from start to finish because, when it really comes down to it, everything I encountered was par for the course in Vegas, and you have probably heard someone else tell a Vegas story with the exact same elements. Yes, I got hammered at LAX for an hour during my flight delay. Yes, I puked on the plane on the way to Vegas after drinking a full glass of vodka that the flight attendant would not allow me to pay for. Yes, I got wasted at Jet and then Pure on Friday night. Yes, I wet myself after passing out on the floor of my hotel room after getting in. Yes, I did copious amounts of blow in the VIP section of Body English on Saturday night. Yes, someone threatened to call the cops on me after I staggered out of a club bathroom with a powered nose until I attempted to pay them off with a dollar. Yes, I tag teamed a Guatemalan hooker on Sunday morning with three of my friends. This is all par for the course. What I really want to talk about is the hidden gem of the Las Vegas Strip: O’Shea’s Casino.

I had been paying around $16 for cocktails all night on Friday, so naturally staggering into O’Shea’s Casino, which offers a happy hour featuring $1 draft domestic beer from 2AM to 8PM seven days each week, was refreshing for me. I had paid seven bucks for a Coors Light earlier in the night at Jet, so a dollar Budweiser sounded like a pretty fucking good idea to me at around four in the morning. 12oz plastic cups, too.

I ended up pounding domestic draft beers until about six in the morning and then returned to O’Shea’s at around five the next day to pre-party. Obviously, after Body English I went straight back to O’Shea’s to do some more nose candy in their spacious handicap bathroom and pound even more domestic drafts.

Some reasons why O’Shea’s Casino is officially my favorite spot on the strip:

1. O’Shea’s offers the world’s longest happy hour. I challenge anyone to find me another establishment offering a happy hour that actually runs for sixteen hours. 2AM until 8PM? Fuggedaboudit!
2. While O’Shea’s claims to offer three types of domestic beer at one dollar (Budweiser, Bud Light, and Michelob Light), after ordering all three at one time and giving each glass a taste / smell / consistency test, I am convinced that all three taps run to the exact same keg. In this keg, I am relatively convinced, exists none of the afore-mentioned beers. Instead, I am pretty sure that O’Shea’s only offers Natural Light. At a dollar, I still don’t give a fuck.
3. One dollar domestic draft beer is so cheap that you can actually order one for the specific purpose of throwing it at the guy across the bar with the bad shirt on.
4. O’Shea’s hires little people to walk around dressed as Leprechauns. They don’t give a fuck and since all little people are alcoholics, it’s a win-win situation.
5. O’Shea’s offers the best game in Las Vegas: The Pissing Contest. Yes, that’s right. O’Shea’s actually rewards you for pissing out all of their delicious draft beer. Check out a picture of this fucker:
   
   

   I’m still a little unclear about what you actually win if you piss a lot because unfortunately this amazing invention was not working, but I’m pretty sure that I don’t care. This machine actually measures how much you pee, and I don’t know about you, but after about fifteen domestic draft beers, I have to pee pretty badly, and I usually pee longer than the guy next to me at the other urinal, and I usually wonder exactly how much I have peed because I am always sure I have set some kind of new record. It’s about time that a fine establishment like O’Shea’s has developed a way to award me for my amazing piss.

So the bottom line here is that O’Shea’s is fucking awesome. It’s officially my favorite place in the world. I’m not exactly sure where it is because I was wasted for pretty much the entire weekend, but I’m pretty sure that it is across the street from the Mirage or something like that.

I’m going back to Vegas soon, and I hope they have their Pissing Contest machine fixed because I am saving up.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 21st, 2006 at 11:07 pm and is filed under Crazy Party Stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.