I had to do some last minute travelling over the weekend, and I ended up leaving at around five in the morning on Friday. I had a couple options as far as transportation to the airport was concerned. Rather than call a cab, I opted for reserving a Supershuttle to save fifteen bucks, which was ironic because I treated myself to round-trip business class, a decision which more than doubled my fare.

Taking a Supershuttle at four in the morning was probably the biggest mistake that I have ever made. Oh, I got to the airport on time, but what I had to endure on the way to the airport was pretty fucking horrible.

There were two other passengers. The first was already posted up in the van when I got in. He looked like he sucked, and he attempted to introduce himself, but I was quick to give him the cold shoulder in order to assert my assholeness. He backed off.

After I got in, we picked up a pilot. Yes, a pilot. Pilots ride the Supershuttle, too. There was a really long and awkward moment of silence, and I could tell that the pilot wanted to start a conversation.

‘I love LA. Everytime I make it out here, I have such a great time,’ the pilot said.

[long silence]

‘Oh, that wasn’t your place?’ I asked in reference to where the pilot was picked up from.
‘No, that was my friend. Actually a friend of a friend. We really hit it off last night and she ended up asking me to come over. Boy, I’ll tell you, she was crazy,’ the pilot said. I could tell he was very proud of himself. The Supershuttle driver turned down the radio upon hearing this.

‘Oh yeah?  So you just come through LA and bang all of our ladies then leave?’ I asked. The other passenger let out a short chuckle after hearing this.

‘Well not usually. See, I have a girlfriend at home but things have been kind of strange lately,’ the pilot said.

‘Hmm, maybe you guys should break up if you are going to be doing other people,’ I replied.

‘Yeah, but she’s out of the country now,’ the pilot said in an attempt to justify himself.

‘I think I’m getting a little too much information here. Best of luck to you guys. I didn’t know that pilots took the Supershuttle,’ I said.

‘I hate taking cabs in LA. They’re so expensive. This way I’ll have a few bucks left for the bar in Florida,’ the pilot said.

At this point, I let out some nervous laughter. I was very happy I was not on my way to Florida, and I was also very happy that I do not regularly chat with pilots because, apparently, they are all really creepy douchebags.

‘So what do you do?’ the pilot asked.

‘I am a consultant,’ I replied.

‘Oh really? What kind of consulting? Do you just axe people all day?’ the pilot asked. This guy was quite the joker.

‘Information technology. Mainly internet development,’ I said.

‘Oh really, internet development? I know the guy who owns BangBros,’ the pilot said.

‘No you don’t,’ I replied.

‘Yeah, I do. I met him at a friend’s place a while ago,’ the pilot said quickly.

‘Oh, that’s really cool. It’s amazing that you know the guy who owns BangBros,’ I said. The Supershuttle reeked of bullshit at this point.

‘Yeah, guy’s a fucking millionaire. You can make a lot of money on porn. I’m thinking about investing in something,’ the pilot said.

‘Oh really? I’m kind of against porn. I’m pretty religious,’ I said.

After my last comment, the pilot turned around and things got really awkward once again. In fact, nothing was said by anyone until we arrived at the airport.

The moral of the story is that the Supershuttle sucks balls. In order to save fifteen bucks, I had to leave about forty-five minutes early from my house and chat with a douchebag. Is forty-five minutes of my time worth more than fifteen bucks? You better fucking believe it.

I took a cab back from the airport to my house.

I wish I had some stories from my trip to share with you. Actually, I do, but unfortunately I cannot mention certain things and certain people for certain reasons that I cannot discuss. I will say that throughout the course of less than forty-eight hours, more than forty-eight Coronas were consumed.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 2nd, 2006 at 9:42 pm and is filed under Rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.