Loyal readers of the blog always want to know two things:

1. What Fat Dick has been masturbating to.
2. What Fat Dick has been fucking.

The answer to number one is easy. For your boy Fat Dick, it’s been all about the interracial action lately. My favorite interracial site at the moment is Eat My Black Meat, which I would highly recommend that you consider joining if you are not already a member. I am a huge fan of high-quality, original porn content, and Eat My Black Meat has nothing but high-quality, original content, so it is well worth the price of a membership. Plus, you can get a really cheap trial membership to test the waters. More on that later.

The answer to number two is difficult for me. Why? I get upset when I think about the fact that I didn’t end up fucking anything over the weekend, and I’m sure that you’re pretty curious as to why this was the case. The answer is simple: BLACK GUYS. I was cock-blocked not once, not twice, but three times by three different brothers. Lately, I’ve noticed that, at a certain time of the night (usually around 12:30am), any party that I am at gets flooded by black guys, who rapidly spit game at anything with a vagina and somehow end up leaving with all of the hotties. Sometimes they leave with other peoples’ valuables as well.

I’m not really sure how to remedy this situation. It’s hard to tell a black guy, who is much larger than you and has been drinking 40s and spitting game since he was thirteen, to back the fuck off of your chick. Basically, there is no way out, especially if the chick you are trying to holler at has an appetite for ten inch black cock like the sluts on Eat My Black Meat.

So, my situation lately has been pretty ironic. I get cockblocked by the same guys who I love to watch fuck smaller white chicks on Eat My Black Meat while masturbating. It’s a love / hate relationship.

If you also get cockblocked by black guys, I have put together detailed descriptions of two of the most threatening types of black guys that you should definitely watch out for if you are at a party trying to get laid. If you don’t get your prospective lay away from these guys, they WILL take her away from you and they WILL have sex with her. Several times. And you better believe that after your chick has had a taste of a ten inch slab of dark meat she will not be interested in coming back to you anytime soon.

So here are some black guys to watch out for, along with some free pictures and videos from Eat My Black Meat of them fucking small white chicks. You can let the free porn serve as a warning of what COULD happen if you let your girl get close enough to either one of these guys to allow them to spit game at her.

Guy #1: The Old Black Guy

Many a night has been ruined by white guys who quickly discount this man’s game-spitting ability when they see him walk in a room. The Old Black Guy is frequently seen at twenty-something clubs, and he looks like he is in his early forties. Don’t plan on getting any information out of him, though. Fuck, the only thing that’s going to be coming out of this guy is a huge batch of warm cum. Where is it going? All over your girl’s face unless you get her away from him.

Your girl will natually be intrigued by the Old Black Guy from the moment he enters the club, and this guy doesn’t give a fuck about you. When you head off to hit the bar or pee, he will move in like a hawk and start hitting on your girl. You’ll be lucky if you even make it back in time to see him leaving with her; usually he is so quick that she is in his two-door Bentley smoking weed before you even turn around.

The Old Black Guy should not be underestimated as he definitely has the ability to fuck up your whole night with his game that has been perfected with many, many years of practice. Don’t believe me? Check out an Old Black Guy fucking Bree:

Bree is a cutie who loves surfing and pretty much anything that allows her to wear relatively little clothing. She didn’t see a steamy fuck session with this Old Black Guy coming, but after he spat some game, the actions in this free interracial porn gallery developed. Watch as this Old Black Guy works Bree into submission. He isn’t even out of breath. This guy is a fucking champ. After he was done fucking Bree, he quickly started in on a conversation exclusively involving events which happened before Bree was born.

Still don’t believe that the Old Black Guy poses a serious threat? What if I showed you that the Old Black guy can fuck a hot young white chick… while wearing a Hawaiian shirt? Would that make you worried? See, this guy doesn’t give a fuck what he is wearing. Sometimes he likes to pick out shitty outfits to get laid in just to spite guys who don’t have game. His point is clear, but he won’t admit that he is trying to make it: he can get laid anytime, anywhere.

Sometimes, the Old Black Guy will even pretend that he doesn’t care about the hot young cooze that he got last night. Fuck, sometimes he’ll even pretend that he forgot about the young blonde college cheerleader that he picked up at the gym last week just to piss you off. For further proof that this guy is definitely a threat to any pussy that you are trying to land at a party, check out some free pictures and videos of him fucking Tiffany while wearing a Hawaiian shirt:

Tiffany, like Bree, didn’t see this interracial fuck session coming. When she first saw our Old Black Guy from across the bar, she chuckled under her breath, but the next thing she knew, he was teaching her how to drive stick in his Lamborghini. Click here to check out the free pictures and videos of this hot interracial sex session. If Tiffany wasn’t such an interracial slut, she may have felt bad about fucking someone more than twice her age, but the Old Black Guy can quickly bring out the interracial slut in any hottie he comes across.

Guy #2: The Calm and Cultured Black Guy

The Calm and Cultured Black Guy is a very different animal from our Old Black Guy. Where the Old Black Guy makes it clear that he doesn’t give a fuck what the kids are listening to these days and the fact that he thinks that the latest Lil’ Wayne single is complete shit, the Calm and Cultured Black Guy can not only tell your girl how the latest Lil’ Wayne single debuted on the Billboard Charts, but he can also tell your girl when Lil’ Wayne is coming to your city next. Fuck, this sick son of a bitch will probably even buy tickets to go see Lil’ Wayne with your girl. Oh yeah, and afterwards he’ll fuck the shit out of your girl while listening to an unreleased Lil’ Wayne track that just leaked to the internet.

The Calm and Cultured Black Guy comes on a little stronger than the Old Black Guy. He may even introduce himself to you before he begins moving in on your girl. The bottom line, however, is that this guy wants to get in your girl’s pants and he knows exactly how to do so. He’ll probably be wearing urban clothing, so be on the lookout for a velour jumpsuit or an LRG polo moving your way from across the club.

The Calm and Cultured Black Guy makes his way into your girl’s heart by being calm, cool, and collected at all times. Genetically, white people are only able to be calm, cool, and collected 22% of the time. The Calm and Cultured Black Guy knows this, and he uses it to get in your girl’s pants with little or no effort. Once you start freaking out, he’ll probably say something like ‘Why your man buggin,’ to your girl, who will probably reply ‘I don’t know, but can I give you a blowjob in your Scion?’ The Calm and Cultured Black Guy usually drives a cheap car because he went to art school and is not current employed.

Oh yeah, and the Calm and Cultured Black Guy usually has dreads. Why? He likes to reinforce the fact that he is black when hitting on white chicks just in case they forget. This way, he can easily capitalize on any white chick’s lingering curiousity about dark meat.

The Calm and Cultured Black guy should be avoided at all costs. Do whatever you have to do to get out of any party that this guy shows up to so you can still get laid. He will steal your girl right in front of your eyes, and he is really good at fucking white chicks. Don’t believe me? Check out the following free interracial gallery where Ava gets fucked by our Calm and Cultured Black Guy:

The free movies and images in this interracial gallery do not depict the part where the Calm and Cultured Black Guy was introduced to Ava’s boyfriend, then moved in on Ava and asked Ava’s boyfriend to go get them some Mojitos from the bar. Ava’s boyfriend was trying to do the right thing, but when he got back, the Calm and Cultured Black Guy was getting blown by Ava at the table, which Ava’s boyfriend ended up handling the bill for. The Calm and Cultured Black Guy don’t got a lot of money, and the Calm and Cultured Black Guy don’t give a fuck.

Hopefully, these detailed profiles of dangerous types of black men will help you avoid the same type of disappointment and frustration that I had to endure over the weekend. If not, at least you have something to masturbate to.

By the way, if you join Eat My Black Meat now, you can have access to a seemingly-endless supply of interracial porn to help you profile even more types of dangerous black men. I would highly recommend that you sign up as soon as possible.

For the past several months, I’ve been pouring huge amounts of time and money into a top secret project I am sure will revolutionize the internet.  My crack team of developers and I have been putting in the time at just about every bar in the greater Los Angeles area for meetings/drinking challenges as well as late at night on ICQ for all-night programming sessions.

It looks like development will be complete in early 2007, so I’ve been scrambling around submitting business plans to venture capitalists and contacting marketing consultants to figure out exactly what a successful launch of this new application is going to cost.

The new application I am speaking of will ideally serve as a module to an existing social networking site, and will completely change the way social networking is done.  Naturally, I’ve been in contact with several large, established social networking sites pitching the idea and, ultimately, asking for a large amount of marketing capital.

I had my first conference call with a certain large social networking site today.  I would love to mention exactly what site this was, but unfortunately I am not able to until I figure out whether or not they have decided to allow me to offer my application on their platform.  I can, however, give you the story of an amazing standoff that I had on this conference call.

The call was scheduled for 2pm, at which time a business partner and I made our way to the conference room of a Santa Monica office with notes in hand.  I was packing notes containing exciting regression analysis figures and recent test reports which would combine with my excellent business plan to produce a partnership slam dunk.  Or so I thought.

I was a little nervous when the AT&T Business operator connected us with a room full of product development VPs from this social networking site, but I started in quickly with my pitch.

‘Yes, we have read the information that you have given us thus far, but today we are interested in learning the details of the extension you are proposing,’ a voice from the other end said.

‘The nature of this application is somewhat confidential.  Since development is not fully complete at this time, we have not yet filed the appropriate forms to request our US patent, so I have to request that all members of negotiations sign a non-disclosure agreement before I proceed with further details.  I can have this non-disclosure agreement faxed over to your office right now if you would like to take a five minute break,’ I replied.

‘I don’t know if we agree that a non-disclosure agreement is necessary at this point.  Could you please try to provide further details without being overly specific?’

‘I do not feel comfortable discussing anything beyond the fact that this application can serve as a module to an existing social networking community and the potential revenue streams associated with this application as I have projected.’

‘Well we really cannot proceed with discussions until we at least hear the nature of your idea.’

‘I understand that, but I am not comfortable describing the workings of my idea until I receive a signed non-disclosure agreement.’

‘We are not interested in signing a non-disclosure agreement until we believe that we can benefit from the integration of this application.’

‘Unfortunately, I am not going to be able to discuss any further details until I receive a signed non-disclosure agreement.’

The conversation went on like this for several more minutes while I got more and more annoyed.  The call finally ended when another conference call was scheduled for next week.  There was no commitment made to sign a non-disclosure agreement.

So basically, I wasted most of my day.

I had to do some last minute travelling over the weekend, and I ended up leaving at around five in the morning on Friday. I had a couple options as far as transportation to the airport was concerned. Rather than call a cab, I opted for reserving a Supershuttle to save fifteen bucks, which was ironic because I treated myself to round-trip business class, a decision which more than doubled my fare.

Taking a Supershuttle at four in the morning was probably the biggest mistake that I have ever made. Oh, I got to the airport on time, but what I had to endure on the way to the airport was pretty fucking horrible.

There were two other passengers. The first was already posted up in the van when I got in. He looked like he sucked, and he attempted to introduce himself, but I was quick to give him the cold shoulder in order to assert my assholeness. He backed off.

After I got in, we picked up a pilot. Yes, a pilot. Pilots ride the Supershuttle, too. There was a really long and awkward moment of silence, and I could tell that the pilot wanted to start a conversation.

‘I love LA. Everytime I make it out here, I have such a great time,’ the pilot said.

[long silence]

‘Oh, that wasn’t your place?’ I asked in reference to where the pilot was picked up from.
‘No, that was my friend. Actually a friend of a friend. We really hit it off last night and she ended up asking me to come over. Boy, I’ll tell you, she was crazy,’ the pilot said. I could tell he was very proud of himself. The Supershuttle driver turned down the radio upon hearing this.

‘Oh yeah?  So you just come through LA and bang all of our ladies then leave?’ I asked. The other passenger let out a short chuckle after hearing this.

‘Well not usually. See, I have a girlfriend at home but things have been kind of strange lately,’ the pilot said.

‘Hmm, maybe you guys should break up if you are going to be doing other people,’ I replied.

‘Yeah, but she’s out of the country now,’ the pilot said in an attempt to justify himself.

‘I think I’m getting a little too much information here. Best of luck to you guys. I didn’t know that pilots took the Supershuttle,’ I said.

‘I hate taking cabs in LA. They’re so expensive. This way I’ll have a few bucks left for the bar in Florida,’ the pilot said.

At this point, I let out some nervous laughter. I was very happy I was not on my way to Florida, and I was also very happy that I do not regularly chat with pilots because, apparently, they are all really creepy douchebags.

‘So what do you do?’ the pilot asked.

‘I am a consultant,’ I replied.

‘Oh really? What kind of consulting? Do you just axe people all day?’ the pilot asked. This guy was quite the joker.

‘Information technology. Mainly internet development,’ I said.

‘Oh really, internet development? I know the guy who owns BangBros,’ the pilot said.

‘No you don’t,’ I replied.

‘Yeah, I do. I met him at a friend’s place a while ago,’ the pilot said quickly.

‘Oh, that’s really cool. It’s amazing that you know the guy who owns BangBros,’ I said. The Supershuttle reeked of bullshit at this point.

‘Yeah, guy’s a fucking millionaire. You can make a lot of money on porn. I’m thinking about investing in something,’ the pilot said.

‘Oh really? I’m kind of against porn. I’m pretty religious,’ I said.

After my last comment, the pilot turned around and things got really awkward once again. In fact, nothing was said by anyone until we arrived at the airport.

The moral of the story is that the Supershuttle sucks balls. In order to save fifteen bucks, I had to leave about forty-five minutes early from my house and chat with a douchebag. Is forty-five minutes of my time worth more than fifteen bucks? You better fucking believe it.

I took a cab back from the airport to my house.

I wish I had some stories from my trip to share with you. Actually, I do, but unfortunately I cannot mention certain things and certain people for certain reasons that I cannot discuss. I will say that throughout the course of less than forty-eight hours, more than forty-eight Coronas were consumed.