As I’m sure everyone remembers from an earlier post, someone tried to kill me at a bar a couple months ago by strangling me.  Last night I encountered this fucker again, and he was anything but apologetic.

I had a meeting yesterday afternoon, which went really well, so I spent the evening doing a victory lap around several bars in the greater Los Angeles area followed by a pretty lengthy blow session at my friend’s place in Beverly Hills.  I eventually found myself back in my neighborhood around two in the morning, where I continued drinking heavily at my friend’s apartment.  I was drinking at one end of the dining room table when I asked to be introduced to the dude at the other end.  After giving me his name, this fucker was like ‘Hey, didn’t I strangle you a while ago?’

I replied with ‘Oh, that was you,’ but I wasn’t really sure still because I was drunk as fuck throughout the entire strangling incident.  I was expecting some type of apology, but all I got was a detailed recap of the event and some bullshit justification about how I was saying everything twice and making fun of the fact that this guy was hanging out at a college bar when he was clearly past college-age.

Truth be told, this fucker is way past college-age, yet he is completely comfortable kicking it at college bars and indefinitely continuing his college education.  Perhaps he should have used my verbal assault as motivation to enter the ‘real world’ rather than looking like a dickfor.

Oh hey, a quick thought for this guy because I know he reads my blog: How about not doing blow off of the back of a magazine with a bunch of college students in an apartment at three in the morning on a motherfucking Tuesday?  Maybe you should be focusing on your Summer classes or building your resume.  Act your age.  Granted, your boy Fat Dick is allowed to be wasted seven nights each week because he is at a young age when that type of activity is accepted, but after a few years of college antics, you should be over it.  Straight up.

So anyway, I received no apology.  Actually, I may have received an apology, but I was really distracted by the fact that this guy was much smaller than me.  I could tear this guy up with, or without, my strap.  Don’t get me wrong.  I fully expect death threats and near-throwdowns everytime I get wasted at a bar.  I usually make up detailed stories about escapades with fellow drinkers’ mothers, sisters, or girlfriends.  Threatening me with a broken beer bottle or other gnarly weapon is completely accepted.  Fuck, that kind of stuff is actually applauded; I need something to blog about.  But if you threaten my life, then encounter me at a later date and realize that you just looked like a douchebag by doing so, at least have the decency to apologize (even if you are high as hell with several other people whose combined age is less than half of yours).

Another thing.  In his detailed account of the night’s events in order to justify the strangling incident, this dude mentioned that he hung out with a fat chick immediately after the strangling went down.  Um, how about not mentioning electing to hang out with fat chicks if you don’t want to get verbally assaulted by the Fat Dick?

One more thing.  As a rule of thumb, don’t expect that I am going to let things slide when I am clearly in the middle of a long night of drinking and drug use.  Let me explain.  This dude (I’m going to call him ‘the strangler’ for the remainer of the article) was giving me a look like I should be cool with him because I was wasted.  The flaw in the strangler’s reasoning was that my body has adapted to my partying habits to the point where I am actually more alert and coherent when I am wasted than I am when I am sober.  I perform most work wasted, interact with family and friends wasted, and if you encounter me at any point during a weekend, odds are that I am somewhere in the middle of a seventy-two hour drinking binge.  Bottom line: I’m not over the attempted murder incident.

I’m sure I will encounter this fuckface again, and if I don’t get an apology, some bad things are going to happen.  I haven’t really had any specific ideas as to what these bad things will consist of, and I am having problems because I am a lover and not a fighter, but there is a good possibility I will beat this guy with unconventional things that are not meant to beat people with.  Like lawn furniture.  Actually, I’ll probably just pay someone else to do that so I can watch.  When you’re a big deal you can do things like that.

All I know is that the strangler is not a nice person.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 16th, 2006 at 8:42 pm and is filed under Rants, Crazy Party Stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.