About six months ago, I bought a bag of blow. As of last night, I am completely convinced that this bag possesses magical qualities. I would like to share the story of this bag with you. Parallels between this story (which is completely true) and the Loaves and Fishes story should be obvious, and the only conclusion I can draw from these parallels is that God wholeheartedly supports my recreational drug use.

I think I bought this magical bag of nose candy for one hundred dollars. I don’t know the quantity inside of the bag, but I am guessing that it was just shy of an eight ball. Obviously, I have bought much more since this bag, but somehow this bag has managed to stick around through many crazy experiences. Basically, I don’t always like ’showing all of my cards.’ When a hottie expresses interest in riding the white horse, I am not always quick to break out the whole supply. That’s why I like having smaller quantites available for situations that run the risk of turning into me listening to some chick talk for hours about really boring stuff that I don’t care about. So I like keeping smaller bags around just in case. One of these small bags has lasted much longer than the rest, and I cannot explain why. It must be magic.

Exactly how many experiences has this bag been with me for? Allow me to give you the bag’s life story.

Like I said, I bought this bag about six months ago. It was fairly small. Actually, the night that I bought it, I ended up using it to fuel an all-night coke binge that wrapped up around 10am when my nose, and the noses of everyone else involved, were way to sore to continue. That night, we hit some massive rails out of this bag, and I was sure that the blow would run out before our noses. I was wrong. I had a bit left, but I was sure that the bag was only good for one more session. I was wrong again.

The next weekend, I went out and did the house party circuit. I ended up breaking out the bag with some random chick and doing lines off the sink in some dude’s bathroom. I remember trying to use the remainder of the bag sparingly, but we ended up doing a bunch, and each time I would pour out more, I’d be like ‘Shit, that’s a lot of blow.’ We emerged from the bathroom after about forty-five minutes and got some really mean looks from the people in line.

I was amazed when I woke up the next morning and examined my right front pocket to discover the large amount that remained in this bag. The next night, I went out to dinner with some friends. I remember picking up the bag on my way out and thinking that this would be its last night. We ended up hitting some fairly large lines in the middle of a sushi restauraunt, but the bag simply would not die. Amazing.

Then we had a party at my place, and for some reason everyone thought that I was a drug dealer or something. Random people kept rolling up to me and trying to be all covert about knowing that I had blow on me. Some chick was like ‘Um hey I heard that you are really having a good time tonight.’ I think that was supposed to prompt me to offer her some (I wasn’t even high at the time), but I was really confused, so I was just like ‘Actually this party sucks.’ She walked away. Later in the night, a semi-hot chick came up to me and gave it to me straight. She simply asked for some nose candy, and I was quick to give my standard ‘Well, I don’t really have that much, and I don’t really want to do any,’ response. I was lying. I had a lot, but I didn’t know this chick, so I broke out my magical bag and poured some out on my desk. She did like five lines and was like ‘Coke makes me so horny.’ Then she started rubbing my penis. It was kind of weird, but I let it continue.

Ahh, and then there was the night that I ended up doing blow from this magical bag off some chick’s boob in the VIP room of a Hollywood hotspot. Quite interesting. Most recently, I hit some lines from this bag at another house party with a friend.

So the bottom line here is that this bag has somehow managed to multiply itself. After the last experience, I was sure that it was done. Then I got drunk last night, and I was feeling a little lazy, so I figured I would finally kill this bag before going out in order to get a little ‘pick me up.’ I was completely sure that I would finally kill this bag. Actually, when I pulled it out and looked at it, I wasn’t even sure that there would be enough for a couple lines. The bag looked pretty barren.

Imagine my surprise when I turned the bag inside out and dumped its contents on my desk to produce a massive pile of snow. I was completely amazed. As the bag’s contents were emptied onto my desk, I didn’t think that the stream of blow would end. After looking at it, I decided that I couldn’t even do all of the blow in front of me. I ended up only doing a couple lines and then dumping the rest back into the bag for later use. And you better believe that this story is going to repeat itself many more times.

While thinking about writing this entry, I realized that it would make me seem like a complete drug addict, but I couldn’t resist. The story is too amazing to keep to myself. I need to share it with the world.

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 23rd, 2006 at 9:09 pm and is filed under Crazy Party Stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.