So all day yesterday while I was busy with something I am not allowed to talk about on the blog, I was thinking about what was going to come my way when I rolled out for the night. Friday night ended with two random ladies in my bed so I felt like that was a foreshadowing of good things to come.

After a careful evaluation of the gameplan for the night, I decided to begin hitting it old school style by consuming a large amount of Codeine washed down with several shots of hard alcohol in order to pre-pre party and then hit up the designated pre-party. I like to call that move the ‘Pharmacist’s Surprise.’

Everything was going pretty well until a group of indie people rolled through the pre-party spot. For starters, one of the dudes was a little too excited that he worked at Zumiez, which is widely known as a sell-out mall shop geared towards posers. I’m not even a skater and I know that. While that guy was busy freaking me out and complimenting my dance moves, I looked across the room to notice the two younger indie ladies who came in with the group shooting me strange looks. I made the executive decision to continue drinking heavily rather than leaving the spot after this initial realization that I was about to spend the night with some weirdos.

Fast forward. We hit two semi-hot dance parties and I bust out some sweet dance moves. Bitches are all over this shit. I decide to try for a late night rendezvous with a lucky lady who parted ways with me earlier in the night. This is where things start getting strange. Throughout the night up to this point, the shadow of a legendary batch of highly potent weed cookies made with a reported full pound of Mexican ‘brick weed’ acquired for a mere three hundred dollars has been hanging over most people I encountered. Since I haven’t really been down with the weed lately, I passed, but several of the more adventurous peeps in the crew fed their hunger with Mexico’s finest. It was taking hold at this point.

The rendezvous was to occur at another location where everyone, including the indie crew I encountered earlier, was supposed to be posted up at. By this time, I was over Zumiez man, but I was about to witness some crazy shit thrown at me by the indie chicks.

Backstory on these chicks: They are young. They paid the dudes accompanying them approximately twenty dollars to drive them to these locations and hook up parties. Strange. By this point in the night we had also determined that they are big time lesbians. A hunch? Not really. Not only were they spotted making out but they were also both soliciting other females to touch their tits.  Plus they were really fucking weird.
Venue changes once again. We roll back to the original spot where the madness started. I have secured my female rendezvous and it appears that things are lining up as expected. A backup supply of illicit substances is present should it be necessary. Let’s get down to business. Wait, we are going to be interrupted. Someone rolls in the bedroom to report that a seizure is occuring in the living room. Upon further investigation I realize that I am witnessing one of the weakest attempted seizures ever.

Let me paint a picture for you: bitch is on the couch on her back shaking once every half minute or so. That’s it. She is able to respond to questions. Apparently all she has had are some shots and a cookie.  Way to be a pussy.  This is getting annoying. There is commotion about whether or not a paramedic should be called, and naturally the cookies are getting to everyone and there is a good deal of freaking out going on. I’m pretty much just trying to get back into the bedroom. Lucky for me, my female companion also sees right through this shitty fake seziure. We leave the scene, but the commotion in the living room places a hefty delay on any potential action.

The seizure ends when the chick having it suddenly stops shaking and walks out saying she feels better. Come on, now. I’ve been drunk and cold plenty of times and when I have been half-passed out my shivers look way more like a seizure than the shit that this bitch pulled.

If you really want attention after a long night out with the crew I suggest you take your clothes off. This is funny, attention-grabbing, AND you will probably get laid out of the deal. If getting naked isn’t your cup of tea, and you MUST fake a seizure to get attention, please do a good job with it. Make me believe. I want to see you freaking out. You should be completely uncontrollable and trying to swallow your tongue. You should not be responding to my questions. When you are done you should start crying about how crazy you just felt. I want to see some drool as well. Bottom line is that you need to give me a show. Shaking on the couch with an upset face is not going to convince me.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 13th, 2006 at 12:14 am and is filed under Crazy Party Stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.