I don’t know about you, but I pretty much can’t contain my excitement when I think about Taco Bell’s latest menu addition, the Crunchwrap Supreme.  However, I am wondering why no one has sued the food chain for false advertising.  Billed as being highly portable, the Crunchwrap Supreme, pictured below, might be the least portable item on Taco Bell’s menu.

Um, this doesn’t look very portable to me, but I could be wrong.  I have never tested Taco Bell’s menu items for portability by eating them under extreme conditions, but imagine eating this fucker while running.  Bad news!  Once you get six to eight bites in, you are fucked.  Your shirt is covered in delicious Taco Bell flavor.

Let me paint a picture for you:

You are going water skiing, but you don’t have time to stop for a sit down lunch on the way to the lake.  Instead, you roll through the Taco Bell drive through on the way and cop some quick food.  Recalling a recent advertisement you saw on TV, you order the Crunchwrap Supreme.  Of course!  Just what you are looking for!  Eating while driving would be far too dangerous, but a menu item known for its portability is exactly what you are looking for!  You’ll be able to eat your lunch while on the water!  Right?

Wrong.  After breaking out the Crunchwrap Supreme while water skiing, you are going to get a messy surprise.  After getting half way into it, this ‘portable’ disaster creates a huge opportunity for failure.  Look at the picture above.  When cut in half, the Crunchwrap Supreme contains about six inches of mess waiting to happen.  A standard Taco Bell burrito creates only two and a half to three inches of failure opportunity.

Portable?  I think not.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 1st, 2006 at 2:06 am and is filed under Rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.