So it happened again last night. After I fucked some bitch up the ass and had her friend give me a blowjob I was craving another masturbatory session. Forget trying to operate my computer to hook up porn from my secret stash, at this time of the night I was so fucking trashed, I could barely even able to hold my head up. A look under the mattress would reveal several hardcore periodicals plastered to the boxspring with jizz from many nights past. In a last frantic effot, I turned on the TV. Luckily, That’s So Raven was on the Disney channel. Phew! That was a close one.

Seriously, though. You might not understand because you are always able to hit Fat Dick’s blog for a peek at his secret stash, but when you are in the mood to throw a beat and you have no material, you need to have a back-up plan of sorts. You have to expect the unexpected.

Because I’m all about contingency plans, I’ll help you out with this one. I have compiled a list of television shows you can masturbate to in the clutch. But I didn’t stop there. I also listed them in order of preference. Start at the top of the list and work your way down. Don’t thank me; your mom already did that for you last night.

1. BET Uncut

You better believe I would choose BET Uncut as number one on this list. It doesn’t get much closer to porn than this. Sometimes I even forego my hardcore porn options in order to masturbate to Uncut. If you like black chicks with broke ass teeth, thighs, and big asses, this is for you. This is one of the few shows on the list that you do not have to mute to masturbate to. Why? BET Uncut only plays the hottest urban party jams. Believe that.

2. Soul Train

I have jungle fever. Big time. I like seeing black chicks shake it. I like seeing black dudes breakdance during the ’solo dance’ segment of the show. I like seeing the Sprite Word Scramble solved about halfway through the show. This shit rocks. It doesn’t get much better. By masturbating to Soul Train, not only are you helping out the African-American community, but you’re also supporting the “longest running first-run syndicated program in television history.”

3. Lizzy McGuire

Hillary Duff is a fucking fox. I don’t care what you say. Also, despite popular belief, she’s old. One time one of my friends caught me beating off to Lizzy McGuire and then tried to use it against me in a social environment. Everyone was like ‘Ew Simon, you’re so nasty!’ But I was like, ‘Actually, Hillary Duff is 18 years old, thus making her completely fair game to masturbate to.’ Boy was that guy burned!

4. Anything on Lifetime

The only thing hotter than a chick in unrevealing clothing is a chick in unrevealing clothing dealing with family problems and/or a traumatic event in her past. Any Lifetime original contains a large amount of masturbatory material. Trust me on this one.

5. The Tony Danza Show

Tony Danza is a good-looking guy and he is very articulate. That’s all I am going to say.

6. The Simple Life

Make sure to mute this shit because the sound of Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie saying anything is bound to stop you in your tracks. I never really found either of them to be overly attractive, but a couple nights ago I saw an episode of this program where they were fishing in a swamp or something. I was strangely turned on. If I wasn’t already pounding a Venezuelan hooker doggystyle while watching, I probably would have thrown a beat.

7. Any Reality Show on MTV

In case you haven’t noticed, MTV hasn’t shown a music video in approximately six years. Instead, they show reality shows such as Real World, Road Rules, and Real World Road Rules Challenge. These shows all suck balls, so the fact that masturbating to them requires your set to be muted should go without saying. These shows should be your absolute last resort, but, since they are always on, it is good to keep them in your back pocket just in case. Certain episodes of Made, including ‘I want to be a rapper’ with some Jewish kid, should probably be excluded from this group of MTV reality shows. Keep an eye out for the anorexic chick on the current season of Real World. If you catch an episode featuring her heavily you are good to go. Watch out for extended segments of Mark and Landon arguing about strategy on Real World Road Rules Challenge.

I hope this helps.

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the buzz around town is that my blog is getting to be a pretty big deal. Google is giving me some love, bitches are getting slickies over my recent posts, and the teachers who told me I would never amount to anything are pretty fucking pissed.

I’ve been talking up my blog out at parties to get laid. It always works. But over the last few days, I have been seeking validation. Is my blog really as big as I am making it out to be? My log files show a steady upward trend of web traffic, traffic to my sponsors is starting to convert, but I was looking for more. I wanted proof that my blog was, in fact, a big fucking deal.

That proof began rolling in about seventy-two hours ago. How? Two words: comment spam. A quick glance at my blog administration area this morning got me excited. Thirty-five comments awaiting moderation. Could this be the influx of comment spam I had been hoping for? Why yes, it is, and yes, my blog is officially a big fucking deal.

I normally don’t really have a problem with spam. It’s kind of annoying, but I respect spammers for what they do. These fuckers live the life. They are always in a broke ass East European country, and they always have a large amount of cash on them. They don’t give a fuck. Just glance at information about this spam bust. $20,000 in gold fucking bars? I want that shit. My problem with spam comes when it is not cleverly disguised as not spam. I get a chuckle when I open a virus in my email because it is cleverly marked as pictures from a friend I don’t have. I laugh when I send money to a guy in Nigeria who wants to be my business partner. This is all good.

Spammers with no skills are douchebags though. Glancing over this comment spam, I was surprised at how much the spam industry is off its game at the moment. Fuck, you can’t just hit me with a string of one hundred links to Viagra. Finesse that shit. Give me a story. Tell me you are connected with some foreign government and need me to send you money so you can send me more money back or some shit like that. I’ll approve your comment. I don’t give a fuck. Just come at me with some game. Please.

I am calling out to the spam industry. Step up your game. Hit me with some shit that will make me chuckle. I miss your clever easily believe scenarios such as the Microsoft one where you do some shit and Bill Gates sends you a fatty check. That shit was gold.

I’ve never wanted to have a twin. I guess it would be kind of cool to switch places and play clever tricks on people, but having a twin seems like it would kind of suck. I used to know these two dudes in high school who were twins. They ended up going to the same college, choosing the same major, and probably fucking the same nasty ass bitch. I’m not about sharing pussy with my family members. One time my dad and I tag teamed a Cuban hooker, but that was mildly questionable. I probably wouldn’t have done it if he hadn’t paid. Plus he was all gung ho about treating me to something special for my fourteenth birthday.

If I was a really hot chick and I had to have a twin, I would definitely do porn with her. That decision seems like a no brainer. Everyone knows that incest porn is hot as hell, but when the family members getting it on are twins, incest action is that much hotter. Here’s why:

How many times have you been fucking some bitch up the ass while craving a good ball licking session from her? If you’re like me, that shit happened last night. I’ve asked chicks to hook this kind of action up, but no matter how hard they try, apparently licking a dude’s balls while he fucks you up the ass is physically impossible. This is where a pair of hot twins come in handy. Everyone knows that twins are essentially one person, so you can fuck one twin up the ass and have the other twin lick your balls. Counts as one person doing both. Problem solved. Give your friend a high five after you are done.

Looking at hot twins naked is like looking at one chick with four boobs and two twats. It’s pretty sweet. Lesbo action between twins is fucking amazing. When hot twins team up on a dude it’s fucking hot. But how do you find two twins slutty enough to share a cock? I would suggest dialing the Simpson Twins’ website in your browser. These bitches could team up on me any day of the week.

Here’s a Detailed Account of What I Would Do to the Simpson Twins:

I would start by checking their IDs. These chicks look pretty fucking young. Also I would want to verify that they are in fact twins. Even though photographic evidence would suggest that they are twins, I would want to verify birthdates and last names in case my friends ever doubt my story.

Next I would get them naked and watch them take a bath. I would probably be a little overwhelmed at this point, and there is a good chance I would start beating off in the corner of the bathroom. It is my natural reaction when I get scared.

After toweling them off, I would have them call over some hot friends. At this point, I would probably be pretty spent from my earlier beat off session, so I would need to kick back and check out some super hot lesbo action. Knowing how horny these twins are, the action would probably continue for a while.

At this point, I would probably be ready to introduce the twins to ‘the cobra’ aka my penis. I would be expecting a fucking amazing blowjob, and I’m sure I would not be disappointed. These two chicks team up on a dick like it’s their job. I would also incorporate their friends into the action.

To finish off, I would play a long game of ‘discover the subtle differences between the sisters’ vaginas,’ then jizz all over these chicks. Shortly thereafter, I would decide to never have sex again. I would never be able to top that kind of action so everything else would be a disappointment.

Bottom line is these bitches are hot and their website has endless amounts of whack material. Plenty of clear, long videos and high-resolution pictures. Twin hardcore is fucking hot.

But wait! That’s not all! I have some more big movies for you. These are from my exclusive stash and they are fucking hot. Right-click to save. You’re welcome.

Watch these twins make their friend cum really hard
They like to masturbate right next to eachother
This is an amazingly hot blowjob
Here they are getting worked doggystyle side by side
Stacking twins up and fucking them has serious novelty points
When they are bored they like to sit on the couch and get off together
Did I mention lesbian action with their friends is fucking hot?

If those clips haven’t convinced you that this is the hottest porn site ever, please make sure that you still have a penis. You best believe I’m-a be posting some more videos soon, but until then, check out their site. Cop a month membership and you will be amazed. I have personally beat off to this site many times and I place my whack seal of approval on it.

So by the looks of this picture it is pretty clear that my blog is becoming a pretty big deal. Ladies basically can’t get enough. Panty liners are being consumed like crazy. Slickies are inevitable when you read this shit.

If you want to masturbate to any of the hot ladies in the above picture, let me help you out. No, not like that, silly! These are some of the Light Speed Girls and they are fucking hot. All of them.

From the left…

First we have Nikki Grinds. She has kind of a weird chin that gets in the way sometimes, but overall she is pretty hot. She claims to be Light Speed’s ‘bad girl.’ All I know is she looks pretty hot in a cheerleader outfit. Saying her boobs are perky is an understatement. She also regularly makes out with her hot friends on her website.

Then there is Little Troublemaker. Sidenote: what kind of a fucking stage name is that? She has a nice, tight bod, and looks really fucking hot in cotton panties. Watching her take a bath is pretty sweet. And, yes, she also has equally hot friends that she gets down with on her site. In case you were wondering, they love showing off their young perky tits.

One of my favorites is Dirty Aly. All I know is that she looks hot as hell in a wet bikini. Also, there is an episode on her website with Aly and four of her hot friends naked in a limo. Fucking amazing. I would give my left testicle to smell the back seat of that limo. When she’s not naked, she has some pretty sexy little get-ups she likes to sport.

Moving on we have Light Speed’s biggest success, Jordan Capri. Everyone loves this chick. There is always some crazy action going on in her backyard, and ‘hot’ doesn’t even begin to describe what happens when she gets naked in her bedroom. Booty shorts look really fucking hot on her, and she has a shaved twat that is cleaner than a fucking operating room.

Finally, we have Erica Lightspeed. I think it is kind of annoying that she uses ‘Lightspeed’ as her last name, but once I got over that I masturbated to her site without problems. She has a nice tight ass that looks great in just about anything. Watching her take off her wet panties is quite a sight. Call me crazy, but my favorite thing about Erica is her camel toe. Just the right amount.

I find that I usually have to hit up an explicit video of a small white bitch getting gangraped by like thirty black guys in order to be aroused, so most of my favorite porn exists at the ‘extreme’ end of the spectrum. These chicks and their relatively tame websites should not turn me on, but somehow they do. Obviously, my ideal porn would consist of all of these chicks getting pounded by gigantic black cocks, but I can’t have everything my way. I’ll settle for the sites as-is. They are pretty fucking hot.

I should buy myself a white hooker and then pay a black dude to fuck her up the ass while I watch and beat off. That’s the kind of shit I deserve after creating the newest interracial pornography masterpiece that is Interracial Cum Whores. As mentioned in a previous post, I spent roughly two hours on this amazing website. Most of that time was spent beating off to the thumbnails I was cropping.

I’m sure you want to know how much money I am making. Anyone who knows me knows that the only two entities who know my financial specifics are the federal and state governments, who both rape me every year when I file personal and corporate taxes. Since they both rape me, we have really close relationships and that is why I disclose my specific numbers to them. If you want to rape me every year, be my guest. I’ll hit you with my filings after you are done.

Anyway, while I am not about to give you the exact dollar amounts involved with Interracial Cum Whores, I will give you some estimates. After two weeks and five hundred thousand unique visitors, most purchased from a variety of sources, the main site, and a collection of free sites and galleries run under it, have turned a several hundred dollar profit on an investment of just under five thousand bucks. Not bad. I spent approximately three hours on this shit. The site is still kicking ass, and along with converting like crazy, it has been sitting at about seventy thousand visitors per day. I was hoping for one hundred, but I will build it more with some purchased traffic at the end of this week.

Oh yeah, and I started getting more play after I launched this fucker. It appears that there are two things that bitches can’t get enough of. One, obviously is this blog. Bitches love this shit. The other thing apparently is Interracial Cum Whores. By the way, if you haven’t beat off to Interracial Cum Whores yet, you are way behind.

How are you going to remake Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, a classic movie that cannot be improved upon, and pass up a chance at remaking Scarface, a classic movie that sucks balls? Don’t get me wrong, Scarface is an essential movie that you must see in order to say things like ‘Oh shit you just hit a Scarface-sized line!’ or ‘Fuck if Tony Montana tried to hit this rail he would have a heart attack like a fucking bitch!’ or ‘Last Saturday night my desk looked like Tony Montana’s!’ I can go on for days. Problem is, if you have ever tried to watch Scarface all the way through, you, like everyone else, have realized that the movie sucks.

With a few slight modifications, Scarface could actually be a relatively good movie. For your convenience, I have outlined these modifications below:

1. Soundtrack by Andre Nickatina

Actually, only one song by this guy would be used, but it would be played over and over throughout the movie. Obviously, this one song is “Ayo for Yeyo.” Should be self-explanatory. Apparently, when Scarface was made in 1983, twelve year old kids were being employed by movie studios to make soundtracks using Casio keyboards bought at Radio Shack for twenty-five dollars. Also, no song faster than 15bpm was allowed to be used in a drug movie. “Ayo for Yeyo” is an upbeat party jam that I could listen to all day.

2. More Black People

Yeah, I don’t know about you, but I don’t really know too many Cuban dudes who run shit in the coke game. In fact, the closest I have ever come to buying blow off a Cuban guy was when I was when I did some coke with a Mexican guy I know. My nose hurt for like three weeks and I was seriously about to seek some medical attention. Oh yeah, and I felt like I was going to die for like a week and a half. A lot of people say they feel like they are going to die when they have hangovers, but I actually really believed that I was going to die. Like I was figuring out who to give my money to after I was gone and deciding who I should say goodbye to first. Everytime I watch Cops on TV, there are like a hundred black guys getting busted for selling blow. Also, a lot of rappers claim that they got rich by ‘flipping grams.’ Thus, I feel like the movie would be much more accurate if it featured only black people.

3. An All-Star Cast

Al Pacino is a good actor, but I want Jamie Foxx as Tony Montana. Why? No, I don’t think he is a good actor. Instead, I think he sucks and I want to see something bad happen to him in a movie. Does it get any worse than the final scene of Scarface? The heroin thing in Ray was kind of bad I guess, but ultimately he came out on top and didn’t end up face-down in an indoor pool halfway filled with his own blood. I was considering 50 Cent for the role of Tony Montana, but then I remembered that he is an even worse actor than Jamie Foxx as evidenced by his piece of shit called Get Rick or Die Tryin’. Plus, I think that Jamie Foxx can pull more chicks into theaters. It’s all about money here, people. I also want the entire Cash Money Millionaire squad in the movie. Fuck it, if there are not enough roles for them I want the stragglers as extras. Also, Samuel L. Jackson. We’ll have to create a special new role for him, but I want him to shoot Tony Montana’s friend (played by B.G. from the Cash Money Millionaires) at the beginning of the movie and make a bad-ass remark afterwards. Tony Montana’s friend was always a little bitch.

4. A Streamlined Plot

Did you know that the original Scarface was two hours and fifty minutes long? We can do it in under twenty minutes. There are really only two necessary scenes. First, the scene where Tony Montana’s partner in crime gets cut up by a chainsaw in the bathtub while Tony watches. That shit was savage. Second, the final three minutes of the last scene. Including only those two scenes will leave us with roughly eight minutes to divide between Baby and Lil’ Wayne from the Cash Money Millionaires tag-teaming bitches and Samuel L. Jackson doing gigantic rails in a strip club of some Brazilian hooker’s tits. You’ll get the bottom line of the story, trust me. Currently, every scene in Scarface runs twenty to thirty times longer than it should. Also, all of that shit with Tony Montana’s sister getting boned by his best friend is just plain boring. That shit goes on for like forty-five minutes, too. Whose sister doesn’t get boned by their best friend? Cry me a river, Tony.

5. No Licensed Posters Allowed

When ONE rapper on an episode of MTV Cribs has something you do, it makes you kind of cool. When EVERY rapper on Cribs has the same shitty poster of Al Pacino in Scarface that you do, it makes you a frat guy who got domed up by some drunk bitch last night because you told her about your raised truck. Scarface posters are played the fuck out, especially the nicely framed ones. They should all be collected and burned. This would restore some street cred to the movie. Oh yeah, ‘X to the Z’ XZIBIT can keep his, though.

I would like to be given credit for this movie when it is released because it is going to be fucking awesome.

Ok not only is this site amazing, but it also converts like crazy with the traffic I am sending it from Interracial Cum Whores. It’s called Every Dad’s Nightmare: My Daughter’s Fucking a Black Dude. Fascinating. Imagine very amateurish small, young, white chicks getting completely ripped apart by gigantic black dongs. Sound good to you? I thought so.

The content on this site is fucking amazing. Most chicks find a way to stretch their asses enough to accomodate a gigantic black penis. Someone should be honoring these sluts with a medal or something. In a world where we need to have bullshit shows like Black / White to convey the fact that black and white people are treated very differently, these whores take one for the team, and by one I mean a big black penis, and by for the team I mean to fill their immense appetite for gigantic swollen penis. Hey, they are doing what they can to bring the races together.

Want to check this shit out? I have movie clips and picture galleries for you.

Meet Kyley. She is about as innocent as they cum in the world of porn, but the look on this chick’s face as she attempts to fit a gigantic black meat stick in her mouth is absoutely priceless. Well worth the membership fee. I am strangely turned on by the sporty blue polo she wears while choking on black schlong.

Ahh and then there is Bailey. This bitch just about passes out when the black anaconda comes out. After regaining her composure, she takes to the black cock like a champ. She seems to really enjoy getting it doggystyle.

Don’t forget about Lynn. She strikes me as one of those chicks who would deny her immense appetite for dark meat if asked in public, but you KNOW behind closed doors this slut is bobbing up and down on black cock like a horse on a carousel. She can’t get enough, and, for my money, it doesn’t get much better than watching her get pounded by this a guy on the couch.

Hillary takes the cake. Make that a chocolate cake. This chick jumps on the black pleasure pole and shoves it right up her ass. What a champ. She has quite a presence on the site and has had her ass violated by black dick on several occasions. Here’s another black dick up her ass. Ahh, and then once again she is getting reamed by black penis.

My Daughter’s Fucking a Black Dude is definitely worth checking out. Clear, crisp high-quality videos, and more picture sets than you can masturbate to. Trust me, I have tried to masturbate to all of the content but I couldn’t do it.

So all day yesterday while I was busy with something I am not allowed to talk about on the blog, I was thinking about what was going to come my way when I rolled out for the night. Friday night ended with two random ladies in my bed so I felt like that was a foreshadowing of good things to come.

After a careful evaluation of the gameplan for the night, I decided to begin hitting it old school style by consuming a large amount of Codeine washed down with several shots of hard alcohol in order to pre-pre party and then hit up the designated pre-party. I like to call that move the ‘Pharmacist’s Surprise.’

Everything was going pretty well until a group of indie people rolled through the pre-party spot. For starters, one of the dudes was a little too excited that he worked at Zumiez, which is widely known as a sell-out mall shop geared towards posers. I’m not even a skater and I know that. While that guy was busy freaking me out and complimenting my dance moves, I looked across the room to notice the two younger indie ladies who came in with the group shooting me strange looks. I made the executive decision to continue drinking heavily rather than leaving the spot after this initial realization that I was about to spend the night with some weirdos.

Fast forward. We hit two semi-hot dance parties and I bust out some sweet dance moves. Bitches are all over this shit. I decide to try for a late night rendezvous with a lucky lady who parted ways with me earlier in the night. This is where things start getting strange. Throughout the night up to this point, the shadow of a legendary batch of highly potent weed cookies made with a reported full pound of Mexican ‘brick weed’ acquired for a mere three hundred dollars has been hanging over most people I encountered. Since I haven’t really been down with the weed lately, I passed, but several of the more adventurous peeps in the crew fed their hunger with Mexico’s finest. It was taking hold at this point.

The rendezvous was to occur at another location where everyone, including the indie crew I encountered earlier, was supposed to be posted up at. By this time, I was over Zumiez man, but I was about to witness some crazy shit thrown at me by the indie chicks.

Backstory on these chicks: They are young. They paid the dudes accompanying them approximately twenty dollars to drive them to these locations and hook up parties. Strange. By this point in the night we had also determined that they are big time lesbians. A hunch? Not really. Not only were they spotted making out but they were also both soliciting other females to touch their tits.  Plus they were really fucking weird.
Venue changes once again. We roll back to the original spot where the madness started. I have secured my female rendezvous and it appears that things are lining up as expected. A backup supply of illicit substances is present should it be necessary. Let’s get down to business. Wait, we are going to be interrupted. Someone rolls in the bedroom to report that a seizure is occuring in the living room. Upon further investigation I realize that I am witnessing one of the weakest attempted seizures ever.

Let me paint a picture for you: bitch is on the couch on her back shaking once every half minute or so. That’s it. She is able to respond to questions. Apparently all she has had are some shots and a cookie.  Way to be a pussy.  This is getting annoying. There is commotion about whether or not a paramedic should be called, and naturally the cookies are getting to everyone and there is a good deal of freaking out going on. I’m pretty much just trying to get back into the bedroom. Lucky for me, my female companion also sees right through this shitty fake seziure. We leave the scene, but the commotion in the living room places a hefty delay on any potential action.

The seizure ends when the chick having it suddenly stops shaking and walks out saying she feels better. Come on, now. I’ve been drunk and cold plenty of times and when I have been half-passed out my shivers look way more like a seizure than the shit that this bitch pulled.

If you really want attention after a long night out with the crew I suggest you take your clothes off. This is funny, attention-grabbing, AND you will probably get laid out of the deal. If getting naked isn’t your cup of tea, and you MUST fake a seizure to get attention, please do a good job with it. Make me believe. I want to see you freaking out. You should be completely uncontrollable and trying to swallow your tongue. You should not be responding to my questions. When you are done you should start crying about how crazy you just felt. I want to see some drool as well. Bottom line is that you need to give me a show. Shaking on the couch with an upset face is not going to convince me.

I remember there was this one dude in my junior high who got a handjob from some bitch. He might have just been lying about it, but everyone was too afraid to confront him because if he was, in fact, not lying he was like our elder and calling elders liars is just plain disrespectful. He was probably the coolest fucker around. Oh yeah, he fingered another chick and I was begging to smell his finger for like three months. No one else was getting action. I was always up on this crazy slut but I had problems getting her to go for the dick. The problems probably stemmed from the fact that I did well in school and bitches hate that.

Ahh and then I got my first handjob. It was pretty cool because I decided it would be a good idea not to give any warning before finishing and I ended up ruining this bitch’s suede comforter. Explain that one to the parents, biotch! You better believe I bounced without even attempting to clean that shit up. I was just like ‘oh sorry,’ and she was trying to play it off like she didn’t really care.

But now handjobs are not that cool. I mean, they get the ball rolling when you are trying to bang a hot honey, but I would rather do it myself. That is probably because I am really good at masturbating. Also, I’ve been known to do the ‘invisible man,’ where I sit on my hand until it falls asleep and then use it to masturbate so it feels like someone else is doing it for me.

Anyway, I tracked some choice handjob galleries down, and while I was beating off to them I was also taking a trip down memory lane. Hopefully you can do the same.

This blonde chick pulls the choice ‘finish in mouth’ move.
I am a big fan of handjobs in different positions.
Taking jizz on the chin after a handjob is also a choice move.
It doesn’t get much more close-up than this set of pics.
Penis and tit contact is a move reserved for the pros.
Handjobs are always hotter when they are done by bitches with nice nails.
The secret to a good handjob is passion. Remember: passion
This chick looks like just the kind of slut I would go for in junior high.
Leg straddling is also a really sexy move.
I like it when chicks look genuinely excited to be playing with a penis.

Hopefully those galleries give you the same feeling of nostalgia that they gave me.

I am kind of getting sick of SEO fever among people who do not understand SEO. I find that people who truly understand SEO are not talking about it every day, and people who have no idea what effective SEO consists of are the ones bringing it up all the time.

Some facts about SEO (definitely only scratching the surface):

SEO is Fucking Expensive

Effective SEO, especially for adult sites, consists of building many sites across many different, unrelated IP addresses, and using complex linking methods to send spiders and robots through a preselected route encompassing all related sites. Typically, SEO specialty firms charge around three hundred dollars per hour for SEO consultation. If you are paying a lot less, then your SEO firm probably does not know what it is doing. Ideally, you can learn SEO yourself and pay nothing besides the maintenance costs of your network of sites, but even using this method, large amounts of time need to be devoted to tracking and developing effective keywords for your sites. How much is your time worth?

SEO is Based Around Creating Large Amounts of Unique Content

You are not going to be number one in the search engines if your site has no content. It is as simple as that. When developing a site you are going to SEO the hell out of, your first task should be creating a large amount of content based around your keywords. Without content, search engines will see right through your site. Having a large amount of images with keyword-heavy alt tags does not do shit when compared to having a several hundred word article about your keywords. When you have a content-heavy site about a specific subject, you are already lined up to do very well with search engines.

SEO is NOT Invisible Text and Simple, Keyword-Dense Paragraphs

Search engines see through both half-ass methods to optimize a website. I know it is an amazing feat, but some groundbreaking programmer has found out a way to compare your site’s background color to your site’s text color. Robots see right through that invisible text on your website and you are usually penalized for it. It never works to your advantage, so don’t even bother.

Search engines also see right through paragraphs containing a large percentage of your keywords. They view this as keyword spamming and will usually penalize you for it. Each search engine has a different ratio of keywords to content that it considers keyword spam, but be asssured that a paragraph containing 90% keywords in a random fashion will be ignored. Don’t waste your time. Make sure your content is useful and readable.

Firms That Do Not Know About SEO Should Not Offer It

I am tired of encountering design and development firms who think they are able to tack on SEO to their list of services after they buy a single SEO program and have not done their research. SEO is a fairly complex science, and simple things like using effective alt tags, writing content geared towards your keywords, and choosing the right keywords will bring up your site’s ranking, but to really experience a solid ranking increase, you need to talk to an SEO expert who knows what he is talking about.